A little blue and white pill makes it all better

So I started going to a dr.  Yes that kind of dr, a crazy time dr.  The kind of dr, that I never really thought I would go to.  I have always been the one who had it together.  The girl who everyone else came to for advice.  I had my one day every six months of depression and moved on.  Life was good, life was happy, life was normal.  And then just like that things changed.  Everything made me cry. I stopped laughing, stayed in bed all the time, all I wanted to do was sleep.  I really and truly felt hopeless, like nothing I ever did was good enough or right.  I was just constantly sad.  One word from someone was enough to send me into a downward spiral of tears.  I know that most of you don't really know me in the real world, but I think through my writing you've gleaned enough of my personality to know that that, is not me at all. 

When I went to my psychiatrist, I burst into tears before I even sat down, we talked and talked, he asked me about the last several years of my life.  He said that under normal circumstances when I wasn't crying, when he could see the real me shining through he could see how well put together, articulate, intelligent and rationale I was.  Someone who under normal circumstances wouldn't suffer from depression but after everything that I had been through over the last few months and the situation that I had placed myself in over the last year he understood why.  He said I am currently suffering from severe situational depression.  We also discussed my fear of driving and other phobia's which he will also be treating.  But his first and main job is to take care of my depression. 

He immediately put me on anti depressants and some anti anxiety medicine, to say it was an easy process would be a lie.  I am already taking a heavy dose of pills for my migraines so taking two new pills wasn't easy and my anti depressant, Cymbalta, is a serious dose of meds.  I was messed up for the first 10 days.  I felt like a shell of myself, my stomach was a mess.  On the upside I wasn't sad I just wasn't really talking, I felt like it was too much work to talk.  Then slowly but surely I came out of it.  My dr had told me to stick with it, it would take about a week for the side effects to fade, as soon as they did, I felt human again.  Not just human I felt like me again.

 

happy by F_mar

He had explained that the medicine is temporary it will be a six month to a year process to get the chemicals in my brain back where they should be then we ween me off them. In the meantime I should feel like I did before the depression, which is exactly how I feel, I laugh, I joke around, I get out of bed.  I am not crying.  Not that I can't cry, because I still get sad from time to time but only if somethings worth me getting sad over.  I'm just happy to feel like me again.  I see him every three weeks, in fact I'm seeing him today and I am also going to start going to a therapist to actually get a good hour in of talking about the issues that triggered the depression to begin with.


I wasn't really sure wether to write this post or not but I felt I needed to for me sorry if its a bit of a debby downer for you all.