Its's about that time...

He is an absolutely great man, loving, sweet.  But he had his issues, issues that I am not going to go into details about but lets just say that he and I both tried to work through these issues.  Through every trip I took and our almost year and a half long relationship I tried.  I was patient, talked about it with him to see if it would help.  Despite his telling me he was working on them and that he would accomplish what he promised he didn't.  I had told him how I operate, I give what appears to be unending chances, and then one day they run out.  I lose hope.  And that is pretty much what happened.

I got tired of waiting, tired of his empty promises, tired of being the one really carrying our relationship.  Its not that he doesn't love me, he's just not where he needs to be.  Things have been rough for me lately as you all know and I need someone to support me not someone who isn't really capable of doing so.

The plan had always been that eventually I'd move to NY.  When I realized that he wasn't doing what he said he would I started to bring up that maybe he should move to Miami.  It was a lot of life and security that I would be giving up, NY was just a crash pad for him not a real home, so the transition for him would be less difficult.  He seemed reluctant.

The last week, right before we broke up, I told him straight out that I was not going to move to NY.  I didn't think under the circumstances that giving up my friends, family, well paying job, insurance, etc was a good idea.  And asked him to move to Miami.  He told me he needed time to think about it and would call me in two days.

I think that was what cemented in my mind that we were done.  I know it won't make sense to most of you but basically, it was him yet again not supporting what I needed of him.  When we finally did talk he said that it would be a real pain in the ass to move down here and he sounded extremely reluctant.  He would have to find a school down here to go to and a new place to work.  Eventually he said he would but it was clear to me that he would rather me give up my extremely stable and secure life to move to NY with him and just hope that somehow he would do the things he promised and everything would work out. We were done.  Rationally, I know I made the right decision.  Do I miss him, yes, everyday.  But I know that I did what was best for me.

I've been on vacation this week and have been staying with my parents (Bailey's still not allowed in the apt so I decided to spend my vacation with her at my parents house).  I was talking to my mom the other night, she usually helps me put things into perspective.  We were talking about the sexy legless pirate and she said to me "He seemed like a truly good man, but one who was lost and had no direction.  You are too strong of a woman and too driven and focused to be with someone who goes where the wind carries him.  He moved to NY with a suitcase, you were moving there with a life, a whole apartment.  It just wasn't a good fit."  She's right, I know she is, but it doesn't make it any easier.  No matter how much I wanted a certain life, I could never want it enough for the both of us.

The last few months have really been terrible.  The perfect storm is what I call it.  I somehow just knew 2010 would be a shitty year for me, and so it has been.  I'm turning 28 on Friday, I'd kind of like to have a reset button for my birthday.  Press it at midnight and reset the year I'd be able to forget the first half and start clean.  That would be the perfect gift.