I have been a black cloud for the last 2-3 months...depressed and not knowing what to do to make it go away. I knew every single thing that was causing it too and despite that I holed myself up in my apartment and let it fester.
Bailey doing a great job of imitating her mommy over the last 3 months
Two weeks ago, I went out with friends. The first real outing in over 2 1/2 months. I had fun but half way through the day I wanted to be back in my bed feeling terrible. And then one day I woke up and had had it. I didn't want to be sad anymore.
I talked to Scott, my sister, Marisol. I told them how I was feeling and somehow decided that I was done being depressed. And just like that I started fixing everything...
Work - I can't really fix much there but I decided to go back to my old attitude of letting things roll over me, don't let them bother me to the point it starts to affect my life. If I lose my job, a definite possibility with the way things have been going with the economy and what thats doing to the charity, well then so be it. I'll figure it out.
Love - I told him how I felt, I needed him, his time, his care. And he did it. Its not easy when he lives in NY and has a really crazy schedule, but he's really made an effort. We've had conversations over the last week that amaze even me and show me how much he loves me.
Friends - I'm getting there, trying to spend more time instead of being so solitary. I went to a Heat game on Thursday with Marisol, spent time with Teresa yesterday and am going to my first ever hockey game on Sunday and am really looking forward to it. I'm never going to be the person that wants to spend every waking moment out of the house, its just not me but I can carve out a few hours a week for my friends. They deserve nothing less.
Health - I've started exercising again. Am going to schedule my knee surgery for the end of the month so I can really get back in it. Have been eating so much healthier and because of it have lost about 7 lbs. It feels great. I feel great.
School - I made the very smart decision to not sit my exams in May, I wasn't ready and I didn't want to make a foolish mistake just because I felt the need to keep up with everyone else. I'm developing a new study plan that works with my schedule and I'm going to get it done.
It feels great to shake the gloom off. Not surprisingly getting through this period in my life has made me want to do more with it. I've never suffered from depression and this overwhelmed me.
I rearranged my room last week, cleaned it, threw out the clutter and made it mine again. Its cheesy but it was the physical representation of what was going on internally...and I'm so glad I finally did it. Now all thats left is getting a hair appointment to make my hair look as good as I feel.
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