New Year please be better than today, pretty please

So its 4:30 and its the first time I am really giving any attention to my blog.  Poor baby, I am sure it feels neglected.

My day today can only be described as insane.  Late last night I got a call from Teresa asking me to call a friend to expedite her at the hospital where I work because she needed to go into the ER.  I realize you will all need a bit of background on Teresa in order to not freak out.  So here goes.  Teresa has scoliosis...sadly hers is a semi severe case, so years ago she had to have a metal rod put into her back to straighten out her spine.  Yes it was painful, yes the recovery sucked ass and yes its a pain in the ass to live with.  She is supposed to be EXTREMELY careful.  Not carry heavy boxes, not bend down too much, not bend a certain way.  Go to regular check ups.  

Does she do anything of this, no.  Why? Cause she's an ass.  (yes, Teresa, I just called you and ass.  You better start taking care of yourself or I am going to kick your white little ass!)  

Anyway, her back has been acting up ever since the trip to DC.  But being Teresa she kept putting off seeing the Dr.  Last night, I guess it reached a breaking point.  I called my friend, but before she could call back Teresa decided she would rather wait until this morning to go to the ER.  So I got everything ready for this morning so she wouldn't have to wait in the ER.  The hospital that I work in is massive, no wait thats an understatement, Ginormous! The average wait time in our ER is something like 6 hours.  Just to be seen by the first nurse.  With my contacts she was seen in 20 minutes.  What!  Awesome, I don't usually benefit from working at the best hospital in the South but plenty of people I love do so its all good.  Today was Teresa's turn.

Normally, I would have gone and sat with her until she got everything squared away.  Did I get a chance to today.  No.  I could barely answer her calls and texts.  I had a 2 hour conference call, where a shouting match may or may not have broken out.  Spent the majority of my day in a mini panic trying to get everything squared away for a massive deadline I have for the printed program for my event.  This one little book (well not little its 200 pages) is the sole reason I have gray hairs.  I have 5, one for every year I have been responsible for this book.  I always feel once its done as if I've given birth to it.  Gross maybe but its still true.  I hate this book.  Worst thing is, no one even reads it.  Ugh!  But its part of the job.  

Somehow I really managed to maintain my composure through out the day, laughing, smiling, a bit cranky at times but overall not bad.  With my cell and office phone blowing up with friends, sister, vendors, colleagues on the other end.  With my assistant playing an all day game of hide and seek with me, at one point I threatened to tie his ass to the chair, only half seriously.  With the Vice President of the foundation sitting next to me looking over my shoulder all day.  With the office closing at 3 and worried about my best friend in the E.R.

That my friends deserves a cookie and maybe a giant vodka tonic.  I do have the draft program book with me, because I have to proof it all before I go back to work on Friday and turn it in for printing.  Am I going to worry about this tonight.  No.  I am going to get drunk.

Oh and Happy New Year's loveys, be safe and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

In case you ever wonder what goes down in my office during the day...wonder no more

I am on deadline, I am almost done but not quite, we are a bit stressed out and as such decided to relieve our stress a tad. What did we do for the last half hour instead of work on what we should be doing, we painted portraits. I for one think they are uncanny! Nick's is especially magnificent.

The squiggles is Marisol signing her work
the letters are her grading Nick's work.

Marisol, Nick, me and Isaiah

New Years...you and I are not really friends.

On record I have had one good new years. 

It was 2001. I was at a great party with my high school boyfriend and all of our friends. I have what is quite possibly the best and cutest moment captured on film and despite the fact that him and I no longer speak, I treasure that photo.

Me and the hsbf on New Years Eve 2001

Other than that one year my New Year's Eves have typically been pretty craptastic. Don't believe me...

2000- My hsboyfriends mom would not allow him to be away from home for midnight, he came over from 9-11 then I was left to my own devices with my parents. Who dressed up and sat on the sofa watching the ball drop. My dad was asleep by 11:50.

2002-2003 - Pretty much all the same thing, lame, lame, lame. In my pj's, sometimes spending it with my bf of the moment sometimes not. Never anything fun.

2004 - Home in bed sick as a dog with some strange stomach virus. The ex-hubby had to run to the pharmacy and get me meds stat. It was not a good night. To say the least. And guess what, no kiss. He didn't want to be contaminated.

2005 - I was in a hotel room in Paris on my honeymoon. All the potential to be an amazing evening. Except the ex-hubby had second thoughts about going to the city center and enjoying the city at midnight. So we ate cheese and bread in bed and watched The Last Samurai subtitled.

2006 - The ex-hubby played video games at my parents house while I read Harry Potter 6 in my pjs. I finished it 3 minutes before midnight. I didn't even get a kiss because he was in the middle of a raid and couldn't take the time to give me a midnight kiss.

2007 - The ex-bf was in town for New Years. We were supposed to go to a party but it turned out that Auburn was playing that night. We had never watched a football game together and this is what he wanted to do. So I had a dress, shoes, basically a killer outfit and I stayed home in pj's watching a football game and eating frozen lasagna. It wasn't bad. I had a midnight kiss and someone to cuddle. But over all kind of meh!

2008, oh you have the potential to be my first truly good New Years Eve. Party at the Castle, no work the next day, amazing outfit...all the fixings for a great evening. Except well, no boyfriend. The guy I am all about lives in a different state so um yeah no action. And no midnight kiss. I'm okay with that, its not my first one without but I just hope its not a sign of things to come.

Pure Crazy Random Ass Awesomeness

I already loved them (and harbored an insane crush for the lead singer) and then they release this gem.

Effing perfection!

In the immortal words of Nick

I am still feeling haggard. I apparently also look it as well. I came into work today with all my makeup in my purse having had to literally drag myself out of bed this morning. I had to dedicate my morning dress time to fixing my hair.

It would seem hungover Jossie is very different from normal Jossie. For instance I leave the house without brushing my hair. Despite the fact that it looks like a family of rats has nested in it. Not only did I venture out yesterday without makeup or even remotely making myself presentable I also rode in the same seat that I had puked all up in the night before. Thankfully my sister has some seriously amazing, car cleaning mojo. There was not even a drop of puke visible. Did this keep me from wanting to be sick again. Of course not. I rode all the way to Teresa's breathing out of my mouth to prevent a reemergence of the vomit.

When I got home, I showered, still didn't brush my hair and laid in bed while talking to Do-}- for hours. It helped me feel more like a human. I regaled him with the tale of the night before even though he had already read it. Its a miracle he is still remotely interested after reading the disgustiness that was me on Saturday night.

This morning, I woke up in a mad dash to look like a human for work. I am proud to say my hair is now brushed and straightened...over all very presentable. I thought I looked put together. Then Nick came into my office.

Nick - "What the eff happened to you, you look like shit!"

Jossie - "Umm, I have no makeup on"

Nick - "Okay yes that sort of explains it."

Jossie - "And I am still hungover from Saturday night."

Nick - "Okay yes, Because damn Jossie"


Awww, Nick, I totally love you too.

I was going to put some makeup on but I can't even be bothered. You know, at least my hair is done, and my clothes match. Thats a start.

Not for the faint of heart...for real

Ugh, where to begin.  I don't even want to write this post thats how grossed out I still am.  

Last night, we went to Zoey and Lisette's to watch Tropic Thunder and exchange Christmas gifts.  Zoey called at around 7 and said it would now be a pj party so everyone should come in pj's.  This has to be the best idea for a party ever.  There is nothing like partying up in your pj and slippers.  Vickie and I get there with a bottle of red.  As the night wore on the two of us would put away 3 bottles of red.  Everyone was there: Gabe and Teresa, Mary, Eugene and Carlos, Mario the whole crazy gang.  Basically all my favorite people in one room.  This has to be the only reason they put up with me as drunk as I was.  

At one point, Eugene and I walked across the street to his house, completely and utterly smashed to play with the Bunny he rescued a few weeks ago.  I think she could smell the liquor on us.  She hid in a corner the whole time.  She wasn't having it.  Teresa came outside to see what we were up to and I literally spilled her ENTIRE drink on her.   Most of the night was in flashes.  I can't remember it all.  Mary gave me the NKOTB videos on DVD and at one point there was crazy drunk NKOTB dancing.  I know before I left I had a ton of red wine on my white shirt. Which is coincidentally now in the trash because of what happened on the ride home.

I realized that I had had way too much to drink at one point and switched to water.  Oh lord, too little too late.  As soon as the movie was over around 1ish, I looked at Vickie and told her we had to go.  I wasn't feeling well.  

Now, let me preface the rest of this sad little tale by telling you that I am not a vomiter.  At all.  I rarely vomit because I'm sick and on record have only vomited once from drinking.  In my 26 years.  I think that is a good record.  

Last night added number 2.  I didn't make it home.  I actually didn't even make it to rolling down the window in Vickie's car.  Oh yes.  It was disgusting!! I was that girl.  I will not go into detail.  But I had eaten a lot of junk last night and all I had to drink was red wine.  So it was not pretty.  Vickie marched me straight into the shower when we got home.  Then to bed, while she went outside to clean up the mess.  

This morning I woke up at 7 drank my body weight in water and took 3 Ibuprofens, promptly fell back to sleep.  I woke up again at 8:30 and threw up again.  A few times, with Bailey watching me.  Luckily Vickie had the foresight to leave a trash can next to my bed or my new sheets would be ruined because I don't think I could have made it to the bathroom.  I fell asleep again and woke up at 11 feeling and looking like death.  Ugh horrible.  I am ashamed of myself. I apologized to Vickie profusely, I am going to pay for the upholstery in her car to be cleaned and anything else she wants.  

I have barely wanted to breathe all day thats how bad I feel and I am in fear that I will vomit again.   My one consolation is that I am not the only one who got sick...everyone drank way too much and feels like shit this morning but Carlos's FB update today made me feel a tad better "I was clutching the toilet this morning for dear life." I vaguely remember photos being taken...but there is not way in HELL they will be posted.  You'll just have to imagine me that drunk and stupid. 

Needless to say I am going to attempt to reign it in for New Year's Eve.  I do not want a repeat of last night anytime soon.

A Night Circa 1989

Last night we were supposed to go out but Teresa was sick.  So everyone else went out and instead our friends David and Jorge came over.  Teresa and I had made grand plans during the day while we were organizing her office. 

We would stay home watch Tinkerbell the movie or Prince Caspian and color.  Yes, color.  Once the boys came over we thought they might not be game for a night of coloring.  Oh but they were. We went to Walgreens bought 2 more coloring books, Disney Princess's and Care Bears and a box of 120 crayons, with a bonus surprise inside!  Everyone knows the surprise is always a sharpener.  But seriously this was a red penis shaped sharpener, totally not appropriate for their normal customers. I know it was meant to be a crayon, but yeah, not so much

Anywhoosie, we got back to the castle, and colored until our little hearts were filled to overflowing.  David and Jorge are very artistic.  Their pages looked like something a professional would do, shading, color blending.  It was sickening really.  Then they started to free hand Wonder Woman on excess paper.  It looked like something a professional comic book artist would draw.   My coloring pages, well they looked like I was 7.  But at least I stayed within the lines. Mostly.

Christmas in Review

Hmm, so I guess lets start at the beginning.

Noche Buena was good. I got to spend it with my parents, my grandmothers, some of my cousins and a couple of my uncles. We also got to spend it with some dude that used to be married to one of our family members and isn't anymore. He is kind of a dick. (yeah, its like that) He was an ass to me when I walked in and then an ass to my cousin Nicole. Seriously what a jerk, the night ended with me and Vickie and my cousins Nicole and Jessie in my parents room talking and trying to get away from him because he was such an ass. Other than that it was great. I love spending time with my cousins. Especially those three. Nicole and I are the closest in age so we grew up together for the most part. I also lived with her, her sisters and her parents when I went to college. They live about an hour away though so we don't get to see them as often as we'd like. And they are afraid to drive on the expressway. See! I'm not the only crazy one in my family with driving issues.

Nicole, Amanda, Jessie and Me

My grandmothers: Lita and Antonia

Anywhoosie. Everyone left by 10:30, long drive ahead and all. And my parents, Vickie and I ate crap for a while. We exchanged midnight gifts (at around 11, I know we cheated) and went of to bed. I watched the Santa Claus 2 while snuggling with Bailey. Can I just say how much more I loved my pj once it was on. Seriously. It was AWESOME!


Christmas Morning, I woke up at 8. The damn lights went out for a bit and when they came back the beeping of the alarm woke my cranky ass up. So I dragged myself to my parents room rather quietly I might add because Vickie was asleep on the sofa. When I get there, they are already awake drinking coffee. My dad is having a heart attack because the internet went down and with it he was booted out of his game of Eve mid-battle. For Shame! No seriously he dedicated half the morning to fixing this problem, lol. Finally, I had had enough (after about 15 minutes) I went to the living room, laid on top of Vickie and sang her "Deck the Halls" a la The Christmas Story. If you don't know to what I am referring. Then you my friend are not cool. She got up a bit pissed that I woke her up at 8:30 to open presents but all was well after the coffee was served. I put on the obligatory Christmas music for present opening, my parents set up the video camera, we grabbed our stockings and off we went to sit around the tree and do our worst.

She loved the penguin, sorry guys I can't send it to you.

Puffin snuggles

Santa Bailey

Hello, Christmas tree. As I previously stated, I went over board this year. The downside (and benefit if you are my sister or bff) of not having a boyfriend. Vickie looked at her pile of presents looked at me and said "I'm a little overwhelmed", oops. But I am getting a head of myself, we started with our stockings. Awesomeness. My mom always finds adorable little things that suit us perfectly, I had a stuffed Chewie doll, Vickie a stuffed Yoda. I bought my dad a Star Trek comic. he loved it, my mom got a lily pad pin cushion for her sewing, Bailey got some crazy monkey on a palm tree toy I bought her. I love stocking stuffers. So much fun.



Then the actual present opening began. I like to think I am good at buying presents for people, but every year I am amazed at how well my mom and sister know me and each other. My mother has made it a habit over the last 8 or so years to always by me something Jane Austen related for Christmas. You would think at some point she would run out of things to get me. You my friend, would be wrong. She got me the most adorable little JA figurine whose head pops off so you can hide something there ( a tad gross, but still so cute!). I think the best present my mom gave me, and she did give me awesome gifts, was a necklace with a little silver alien girl on it. She says she bought it amidst the break up with the ex-bf, because she knew how much I was struggling with it, needed a pick me up and a reminder of how awesome I was. When I opened the box inside she had put a note "To my out of this world girl". My eyes got a little watery. Really the gift was nothing major but it was the thought that was behind it that mattered.

Please pardon the 8:30 am, no make up look. I know its not cute but there you have it

My dads contribution to the presents this year, (although technically the presents come from him and mom, as most men he doesn't really put his two cents in, he just lets my mom run away with it) was a Clone Wars video game. It allows two players to duel one another. He says it would be the best way for Vickie and I to settle our grievances, by kicking each others ass. Or we could use the real light sabers the ex-bf got us last Christmas, but he felt this would be safer.


Vickie's gifts were great as per usual. No seriously, amazing. But hands down the BEST gift I was given was the Collectors Edition of "The Tales of Beetle the Bard" . When I realized what this was, I started hugging it. There may or may not be video of me opening this gift, but yeah I am not going to post it. I sound and look like the BIGGEST nerd on the planet, thats how excited I was that she gave me this.

Me and mommy, we both look insane in our pj's

My parents opening their special gift

Bailey's one piece of rawhide a year. Its her special gift

Everyone was so happy with the presents I gave them. My parents freaked when they saw their big gift from me, 3 day passes to Disney World. My mom even cried a little. I figured she might, she hasn't had a vacation in over 3 years and her favorite place in the world is Disney. They deserve it, time to themselves where they can be kids again. Vickie's big gift from me was the tiniest version of "Alice in Wonderland" I could find. I had it shipped from Germany and new she would freak when she saw it. Not only does she love AiW, but we have this thing that we say, "In the wee hours of the tiny time" every time we see something remotely small we call it "tiny time". Her reaction was priceless.

Vickie and the tiny time

After we opened presents VIckie and I were in our silly Christmas mood. We danced around the house in our pj's, my dad played his video game, mom made amazing leftover lunch. We watched the Disney Christmas Day Parade, while I salivated over the Jonas Brothers. We spent the rest of the day watching movies, eating crap, vegetating. Vickie went to go see her godson and his family. It was a great christmas day.

Our Christmas jig. And yes, my socks don't match, they never do.

Teresa and Gabe came over with Teresa's family at around 5 for another round of present opening. I was all presented out by this point. But let me just say, my bff knows me well. Not only did she get me a Camp Rock coffee mug, what!! but also one of my favorite books from childhood in pop-up. So pretty. They loved their presents from us. Mid present opening, Bailey was sitting on my lap and quite literally projectile vomited all over my foot. My poor baby. I have no idea what happened but she was not feeling well. They took off my shoe, and hosed it down while I tended to my snausage. After that she felt better, me, well I had just been puked on but whatever.

Gabe and his "Puts the lotion in the basket" t-shirt

Overall, vomit notwithstanding it was a great Christmas. I love spending days with my family like that. Everyone was happy, dancing around, laughing. A perfect day.

I hope everyone elses Christmas's were just as amazing.

Merry Christmas!

** I will not be blogging today but I did prepare this lovely little Christmas gem for you all ahead of time, cause I'm 'siderate like that **

In the tradition of yesterday's Noche Buena post, here is Christmas morning memories. I was about 2 in these photos and I don't remember this at all, thank God my parents were fond of Polaroids or I wouldn't have one of the best Christmases ever documented (in case you are wondering the best Christmas on record was the NKOTB Christmas). I would like to point out the following:

1. I am again pantless and in the second photo clearly flashing some crotch. What the eff was wrong with my mom allowing me to be so risque at 2 years old!
2. This was the year I not only got a Rainbow Brite Sprite (Champ in case you are wondering) but also a CareBear, Funshine Bear. Funshine Bear would soon become the love of my life.
3. My sister I think has realized that she got gipped with her lame ass fake typewriter.
   
4. Obviously, I am the favorite. Obviously.
5. My mother was extremely excited about the presents Santa left me, I would say she was a tad more excited than I was.
6. Why is my sister decently dressed and I am not? Thanks mom.
7. That is seriously a ton of presents for two kids. My parents set a very bad precedent, no wonder my tiny tree is currently drowning in presents.
8. Who gives a 2 year old mittens for Christmas?
   
9. Not just that, but who gives a 2 year old who lives in Miami mittens for Christmas, I think my expression really sums it up.

If you are like me, you are currently opening your presents dressed in cheesy pj's while jamming to Christmas music and drinking your morning cup of coffee. Unlike me, it is probably cold where you live so it actually feels like Christmas should. But we can't have it all.

If you opened all your presents last night, for shame cheaters!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas Eve and an even better Christmas day.

Memories of Noche Buena's Past

I'm going to say I was 4 in these, really I don't remember but that sounds like a reasonable age.   I would like to point out several things:

1. This is the face I make on Christmas when I get stuck wearing the pj's my mom picks out.  Not a happy camper
2. I was a cranky ass child.  I can't tell you how many pouty face photos exist of me, my sister, not one.  Oh, how the roles have reversed!
3. All the ornaments you can see on the Christmas tree still hang on my parents tree.  That little elfy thing is wonked out and half bald but he's still hanging in there.  Literally.
4. I was fond of showing my crotch in photos.  Both of these photos reveal a tad too much skin for a four year old
5. My sister and I both had some seriously crazy hair.  I looked like I could be a model for Soul-glo  and Vickie looks like a mini Connie Chung. Thanks mom.
6. Why the hell was there sooo much tinsel underneath the tree?  Was all that really necessary for the sole mouse nestled in it.
7. I had some seriously adorable stubby little fingers and toes.  

I hope you guys have a great Christmas Eve with your family and friends.  I'll be enjoying the deliciousness that is Cuban food with my family at the parents and leaving out beer and pretzels for Santa.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Pj's

This year in the hopes of not looking like a fool on Christmas morning I called my mom and told her that I would be purchasing the Christmas pj's for our midnight present opening and subsequent donning the next morning. She was all too happy to give me the job. Vickie and I decided the best place to get said pj's would be at Target. Who knew it would take us so damn long to pick out the right ones. There are only 4 of us in our family, really how difficult can it be.

Honestly my choice was pretty clear from the onset. Vickie thought I was insane and would look like an ass on Christmas morning, thus defeating the whole point of buying them in lieu of mom. She has a point. But I could care less. Really, I fell in LOVE with these pj's and had to have them. The only thing that would have made them any more perfect would have been having feetsies attached to them. There was a set with the feet attached and Vickie gave me such a massive stink eye that I totally wussed out and didn't get them.

My too adorable for words pj,
yes I am going to look like a tard, I love it.

Any whosie. Vickie's Pj's took the longest to pick out and if I do say so myself they ended up being totally lame. Not Christmasy at all. She says she is going for the Popeye look. Whatever. Not very jolly or Holiday-e whatever.

Vickie's pj is a mix of the two above the cute of the top one
(that was supposed to say cut, but I like cute better so its staying!)
but the color of the bottom one.

My goal, during this pj shopping extravaganza really was to get back at my parents, my mom more specifically, for the pajama atrocities that she has subjected us to over the years. She is fond of pj's with bells or Santa's face really large on it or with a hat sticking out. You know the ones I'm talking about. My dad, while not really privy to the purchases was still an accessory to the crime because he splits the bank account with my mom. I felt a tad more generous in his case and so I got him "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (cartoon version) pj bottoms. Nothing too drastic. Just kind of cheesy. I couldn't find a pic of them but they are red and Grinchy.

My mom however, well this had to be the tackiest thing I could find. I think I was still nice considering the choices. I went for something that I imagine a half blind grandmother would chose. Pink, with kittens its really not cute.

Mom's kitten vomit fest

Bailey also got a pj hers is perfectly adorable and I am sure she will take it off in 2.5 seconds. You know I am going to do my absolute best to take photos of us in our pj's but I may just get tackled and have the camera forcibly removed from my clutches.

A walk with giants...seriously.

Today, as we do every year around this time, Marisol and I escorted the Miami Heat players along with a butt load of other people around the children's hospital that we work for to hand out presents to the sick kids.

Much like the holiday party of a week ago is one of my favorite events, this one is too. Overall, its kind of meh! I'm sure if I was remotely into sports I would be pissing myself with glee at getting to stand so close to D-Wade or the six other players. But being the non-sport loving girl that I am I enjoy the little moments:

• The irony of my role at the "event" being to protect them from fans. Me! Little old me! They TOWER over me, even the shortest of the Heat players is taller than me with my 4 inch heels on.
• Their joking banter with each other. They get along really well, they laugh, poke fun at each other, wrestle. It was like watching kids interact.
• They were pencil fighting. You know, old school let me try to break you pencil with mine. Yes. This is what they were doing to kill time. It was entertaining. When one of their handlers told them to stop messing up the pencils they were for the kids, they responded "psh, these kids don't want pencils! they want toys." Damn right.
• Watching a kid in a walker wearing his favorite players jersey actually get to meet his favorite player. It was a great moment. I cried.
  
• Watching the players interact with the family and sick kids in the rooms.
• The kids faces when they saw the players.
• My assistants pained expression when I told him that there were 2 Heat dancers with them dressed in skimpy Santa gear and he missed it.
  

It was, as it usually is a great heart warming event. Nothing major, not too many frills. They just walk from floor to floor with gurneys filled with toys and memorabilia and hand them out. But just that little bit of attention from a favorite athlete can really make a kids day.

My staff and I may or may not have developed a crush on one of the players. I kid you not, this is the first time in the history of the world that this has occurred. I had never even seen this man before. But yeah. Hot. Not really what I go for. But you know what got me, the way he was with the kids. And the pencil fighting. Definitely the pencil fighting. And maybe his light eyes too. Okay I'm going to stop gushing over some random sport guy that really I have no business gushing over. For your viewing pleasure I am going to post a photo that Nick sent me as soon as we returned from the event. Umm yeah.

I think his name is Beasley

**Update **
World, that 6'9 wonder is 19 years old. Here's to me never mentioning he's hot again, thanks.

Pizza Party to ring in the holidays

The Birthday Girl!

Last night was Lisette's birthday. She decided she wanted to have a a get together at The Big Cheese a local pizza place that for some strange reason everyone I have ever met really loves. Its good, don't get me wrong, but I don't really get what the big to do is with that place.

Teresa and I pretending we weren't dying of starvation

The whole group minus Vickie she was taking the pic

The boys - Eugene, Gabe and Carlos

Anyhow, we get there at 8pm, the four of us (Teresa, Gabe, Vickie and I) are so hungry that we contemplated stopping on the way to the restaurant to buy an Arepa to hold us over. And because where fat. We decided however to wait. The invite said 8:30 and we were sure we could hold out for thirty minutes. Well when we get there, it turns out that Zoey in her truly infinite wisdom (and because she knows that we have all dedicated our lives to being late) actually made the reservation at 9. I was 2.5 seconds from eating Teresa's arm off. Thats how hungry I was.

A Story in Pictures

By the time everyone got there (there were 20 people) I was seeing stars, everyone else had gotten some beers while we waited but I knew that if I drank and didn't eat I would start acting a fool. So I was a grown up. Let me just point out that waiting outside in and of itself was torture. One side of the bench we were sitting on smelled like delicious pizza and cheese. The other side, can only be described as what I would imagine a rats asshole to smell like. Carlos summed it up best, it was the Big Nasty Cheese. Really it was gross. It smelled like someone had been murdered in the alley way and left there to rot. Okay I'm done.

We took up an entire back room

We finally went inside and went through garlic bread like we hadn't eaten in months! The food came out in shifts which really sucked for the people in the later shift. Some people were close to done by the time all the food came out. There were many pouty little faces. The food was delish and the company was great. We closed down the restaurant and were all home by 11:30. It was a great night and as someone said, a really great way to kick off the holidays.

Seriously delish garlic rolls

Teresa's trademarked Grimace,
I have no idea why it made an appearance

Eug and Carlos, they were pouting because they were soooo far from us :-(
and maybe because they were also dying of starvation

This is what Vickie, Teresa and I ate, yes,
it looks kind of gross in the photo, but I assure you it was delightful

Conversations with Mommy

I was at my parents yesterday for a while.  Really killing time until Teresa and Gabe came over so we could all head to Ikea together.  

I was showing my mom the dress options for the Gala.  And the following dialogue occurred

Mom - "Oh I've seen them"

Scummy (yeah I just went there, thats what she calls me anyway so whatever) - "What! How?"

Mom - "I read your blog, I caught up on it a few days ago"

Scummy - "Umm, really, you read it?"

Mom - "Yup, I think at times you are too honest"

Scummy - "Dude, its a good thing I didn't post what I got you for Christmas, just in case"

Mom - "I know! Dammit, I was hoping you would."

Scummy - "Evil woman!"

The next time the mood strikes you say hi to mom, because apparently she's all up in this.  

Its a good thing I don't post crap about her ;-)

Abuela

Mi viejita. I remember like it was yesterday the day I gave you that nickname, I was 10. I shouted it from the balcony of the apartment into the parking lot below. Your response "Me cago en tu madre!" (I shit on your mom) Ay, abuela how I love you!

The daintiest, cutest most ladylike grandmother yet you throw down with your eighteen + grand kids like no one else. Who else could manage to remain the head of this family for so long. We flock around you. We can't imagine our lives without you in it. You are the force that brings us together. We grew up in your yard, in the sheet forts we built in your room, sleeping over your house just to spend time with you. Your grand kids fight over you. We debate whose house you'll go to next. How much time you are allowed to spend in Venezuela with the other half.

Despite your upbringing you are so open minded. Practically a nun, had it not been for abuelo. You raised his kids as if they were yours befriended his ex-wife and to her dying day were one of the best friends she ever had. Even though I was 7 I remember abuelo dying, I remember how hard it was for you. We surrounded you with our love. It was all we could do to comfort you. 19 years later, you are still in love with him. Even more so than the day you married.

For someone who has suffered so much in life: leaving the life you knew behind for a new country where your children would have a chance at happiness, leaving your sisters behind in a country you hated, loosing a child - no parent should have to out live their children, the death of your husband, cleaning up your kids messes time and time again, suffering a massive heart attack. You are the strongest woman I have ever met. I have no words to describe how much I love you.

Yesterday, I called to wish you a Happy Birthday.

"Hi, Abuela. Como estas?" - Hey grandma, how are you

"Bien mi vida, y tu?" - Good my life and you

"Bien, Feliz Cumpleaños Vieja!" - Good, Happy Birthday old lady

"Gracias, mi amor" - Thank you my darling

"Cuantos años tienes?" - How old are you

"82"

"Oye, estas vieja!!" - Wow you're old!

"Si vieja, pero completica!!" - Yes, old but complete

Yes vieja, definitely completica.

You guys make my days so much brighter

As cheesy as that sounds its true. I wanted to say thank you! Yesterday, I somehow managed to reach not only 200 blog posts, but also 10,000 hits to the blog.

Even though this started out as a place for me to get my crap out there, something for myself and never something that I expected would interest anyone else...

Honestly, I'm not really sure why you care, but I am so very very glad you do. A lot of you have become friends and I love hearing what you have to say. Good or bad. You are seriously so supportive.

So to my bloggy friends, thanks for being so awesome.

To my real life friends who read my blog, you guys deserve special mention, because you not only deal with my crap day-to-day you also willingly come on here to read it too. It really must be love.

And the candidates are...

Okay, so after scouring the net for good choices I ended up with these three...yes they are all blue. Even though I originally thought I would like black, the blue dresses just seem to have a bit of something special that the black dresses do not. They are all about equal in price so that isn't really a consideration.


So factors to keep in mind

1. I will be working at this event...like lifting boxes, running around, supervising 25+ employees, putting out fires left and right.
2. The night will start out in heels but I will have to switch to flats
3. I have big boobs, so the dress needs to accommodate that and needs to be work appropriate, excess cleavage is not really okay (even though it kind of comes with the territory in my case)
   

Option 1 - I really love the simple elegance of this dress. I am not sure how the sleeves will look. This is my sisters favorite.

Option 2 - The halter is a good style for me and I love the double color.
This is Nick's favorite option.

Option 3 - I freaking love the bow. Like, I could marry that bow thats how much I love it.
This is Marisol (aka Bear's) favorite option

Ok go! Let me know which you prefer and I don't want to just hear from the girls. Boys, you have eyes too, you can tell me which one you prefer. I'll take all the votes into consideration when making my final decision.

I really, seriously love you all for putting your two cents in.

The next month in all its glory

The next few weeks are going to be pretty crazy...aside from my regularly scheduled life and work I have Christmas, New Years, Bear's birthday and then at the end of January my Gala.

I'm really excited about Christmas this year. I was feeling a bit down in the dumps a few weeks ago about being single for the holiday but I'm really looking forward to spending it with my family and friends. Like I told Teresa the other night, not having a boyfriend means I spoil you and Vickie that much more. Don't bitch, just be happy about it. I put so much thought into my presents that I the anticipation of seeing someone open them practically kills me. This year, I am especially excited about seeing my mom and dads reaction. Did I go over board? HELL YES! Do they deserve it? EVERY DAMN PENNY! I'm not going to say what it is, just in case. My mom knows about the blog even though I don't think she frequents it but I would hate to ruin it because they really have no idea. The Christmas tree currently looks like wrapping paper vomited all around it, and the sad thing is so far its just the presents I have bought for people. :-( Vickie's aren't there yet. I can't help it. I was thinking of taking a photo of it so you would see that I don't exaggerate but I can just envision the "oh my god, are you crazy" So maybe not.

I'm really excited about New Years. Teresa and Gabe are throwing a party at the castle and I have a really awesome dress that I have been hoping to be able to wear for the last 2 New Year's and haven't been able to. So its being worn this year. To put the cherry on wearing my super adorable dress, I found the perfect shoes. For $6.00. Don't hate me. Now to just accessorize that puppy. I will not be having a midnight kiss which quite frankly completely blows...but I guess thats what happens when the boy you get all fluttery over lives in another state.

Bear's birthday is going to be quite the occasion. One of our friends (who is also named Vicki) is throwing a party in her honor. We have a very special guest who will be in attendance (it is totally not a stripper, for all you dirty little minds) and couldn't possibly be more excited about it. The champagne will be flowing, the pastelitos will be served in abundance and we will be dancing the night away.

Delish, cuban pasteles de carne (meat pastries)

Then all the fun will be completely cut out of my life for the last two weeks of January as I go into high gear wrapping up details for the Gala. It will be fabulous as per usual but very very draining. I think I have decided that I need to get my shit together and buy my dress now rather than waiting til the week of the event. Last year I had no dress the day of the event. I had to rush and borrow a friends dress. Yes it fit, but it wasn't necessarily what I would have liked to wear. Really the same goes for every Gala year, I am never satisfied with my dress. Below is a history of my last 3 years worth of Gala dresses...

Gala 2006
(yes that is a rose in my cleavage, don't ask)

Gala 2007
(not flattering at all, I hate photos)

Gala 2008

(the borrowed dress)

I cut people out of the photos, my boss, Marisol - she really hates the way she used to look so its out of courtesy. So any thoughts or ideas on what style I should wear this year. The Gala is Magic themed...I was thinking black and long...I have never worn a long gown to the event, perhaps it is time.

Long anticipated...but definitely worth the wait

I've been trying to write this post for a bout an hour. I keep deleting it and starting over. What to say...the pressure of an update.

D0-}- called me last night. It was our first phone call. I had a mini heart attack when I saw that it was him calling. We talked for over 2 hours. It was really really great. If I'm being honest, I was nervous and a bit breathless the entire time. He has a great voice, like really great. The first time he spoke I smiled, its definitely a voice I can get used to. When we finally hung up I was a bit flustered, I had to read for a while so that my mind and body would come back down to a normal level, you know.

Sadly, he didn't reach his goal of making me snort before the conversation ended (yes, I know, totally sexy, whatever). I did laugh a lot but no snort. It'll happen. Talking to him over the phone is even easier than chatting with him. At around midnight he decided it was time to go, he has this weird sense of chivalry about me and sleeping, basically he wants to make sure I get enough even though I don't really mind not. I didn't want to say bye to him. It seemed like it took us so long to get to the phone call that I didn't want it to end.

You know, it would take something seriously major to ruin my mood today.

Makes you feel like you haven't really lived

Nini and Janet both did this today and I am currently trying to kill the last hour of my work day.

Also, I think its time you learned more random nonsense about me.

Apparently it has instructions...ooohhhhh: You're supposed to BOLD if you've done it. And ITALICIZE if you really want to do it sometime in the future. (isn't it nice that used those words to show you what to look for)

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band - I totally wanted to start one when I was in middle school, one glitch, I don't play an instrument.
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a preying mantis - you know I think I'm okay never doing this
10. Sung a solo - only if in the shower or while I'm cleaning counts
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child - I would like to adopt several if I am able
16. Had food poisoning - often
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty - umm, I'm afraid of heights, so no.
18. Grown my own vegetables - I used to grow tomatoes with my great grandmother
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France - very unimpressive :-(
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight - I kick ass in a pillow fight, I'm ruthless. You've been warned
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - yes, often.
24. Built a snow fort - I've never been in enough snow for this to even be possible.
25. Held a lamb - At a petting zoo as a child. So sweet their little faces.
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice - I had the option, I said no. Not really as romantic as others would have you believe.
29. Seen a total eclipse - I think there was a partial one in my lifetime, I'm sure I saw it although I don't really remember.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run - I've never even played baseball, this will change soon
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors - sadly no, I had the chance as a teenager and my parents wouldn't let me, something about it being a communist country :-(
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language - I know some French and am planning on teaching myself Italian...maybe some Portuguese
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied - money doesn't bring me satisfaction, its just a pain in the ass
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person - Great pics of the ex-hubby in front of it too
39. Gone rock climbing - this is going to happen soon too
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted - no thanks, I'm good.
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person - It was great but not as amazing as having a baby fall asleep in my arms while enjoying the view.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris - No, I've been to the first level, and that was great but not to the top.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater - I saw Wall-E at the drive in, my first drive-in, what a perfect memory that is.
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business - I'm working on it.
58. Taken a martial arts class - When I was little, I sucked at it. Gymnastics too in case you're wondering.
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar - I did not enjoy it
72. Pieced a quilt - for a project as a child, it was not very cute.
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76 Seen the Changing of the Guards in London - meh.
77. Broken a bone - while ice skating, I also fainted. I'm all sorts of awesome.
78. Been on a speeding scooter
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car - oh my darling Smart car you will be mine soon enough
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper - meh!
85. Read the entire Bible - I started, and then gave up.
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating - I personally have not, but my family does this all the time, well my extended family.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life - I would hope to never have to, but if I was in the situation, I obviously would.
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous - meh!.
92. Joined a book club - I just did a Jane Austen Blogger book club!
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person - I have photos as a baby being fed in front of the Alamo, some of my favorite childhood photos are from that day
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
100. Ridden an elephant - everyone that I know that did this had that bolded! What the eff people, where do you find these elephants that you can randomly ride, I want to get in on that action!

You know, now I kind of feel like I haven't done enough with my life. How sad :-(

Why do I always succumb to your evil lure?

I'm so pooped. And really I have no idea why. I didn't go to sleep at some obscene hour. I was home from my event, showered and in pj's by 7:30. I may or may not have had the world largest glass of eggnog before tucking myself in to watch the best movie ever made. Camp Rock. Okay so its not the best movie but I absolutely had to see it last night. I had a craving if you will, for Joan Jonas (as my sister likes to call him).

I had the best intentions when I turned on the tv, I was going to watch Jane Eyre. I had talked to Do-}- about the book and the movie. How great the Masterpiece Theater version of it was, etc, etc. So last night I put on the dvd and about 1 1/2 hours in I finally gave in, turned it off and started watching Camp Rock. After the movie ended, slightly disappointed I rolled over and went to bed. It was like 1 am. A pretty normal time for me to go to sleep.

Have I discussed with you all how much I love boys that wear tight pants.

This morning I feel like a walking corpse. My feet hurt, my back hurts, I want to be in bed snuggling. And maybe watching Camp Rock again. Don't judge me!

Why its my favorite

Handing out goody bags to the kids

Today I had what is possibly my favorite event of the year. Partly because its really easy to plan, its fun, laid back and partly because of what it is. We have a support group within the foundation that I work for that treats children who live outside of the US and are unable to get the care that they need in their country.

We fly them and their family over, put them up with a place to stay, arrange doctors appointments, fundraise for their treatment. In the process they become part of our family. We see them all the time. The parents as a thank you to the foundation will usually volunteer at our offices so we get to know them over time. And develop close relationships with them.

Today was their holiday party. We spent the afternoon decorating a huge meeting room in the hospital with Christmas trees, lights, garlands, centerpieces, craft projects and everything else imaginable. At 4:00pm the families and kids arrived. It was awesome. We had 27 kids in attendance, their families, our board members, staff. We get to see the kids who have finished treatment and haven't been by for a while, the ones who recently had surgery, the ones who are scheduled for surgery. Watch them play, laugh, enjoy themselves.

Christmas music played in the background, we had yummy food, cake, cotton candy, popcorn, projects, my staff and I took turns being the photographers for the event and then the big man himself arrived. Santa. Imagine the look on the faces of 27 kids watching Santa walk into a room. Its magical. (Yes, my eyes got watery, I can't help it) He handed out presents to the kids and all their siblings, while we handed out gift certificates to their parents for Winn Dixie to help them along with their holiday groceries. Its tradition and something I am glad we do for them.

My favorite moment of the whole evening happened before Santa arrived. We had his chair set up next to the tree with a list of all the kids in attendance so he knew who to call up and in what order. One of our kids, a gorgeous chubby cheeked blonde boy walked up to the chair. He looked down at the list and his eyes lit up. I saw the excitement on his face and I wondered why. I watched him as he ran to his mom, and breathlessly told her "Mommy, my name is on Santa's list!" He then proceeded to drag her to the chair so she could see it herself. It was perfect.

These families don't really have the means to do much for their children. They are displaced here while they undergo treatment and in most cases have no way of bringing in any income. They are completely dependent on us and what we provide for them. The fact that we do this, is for them amazing. For me, its the reason I work here.

I was going to post some pics of the kids and the festivities but I changed my mind...
instead here is Marisol and me at the end of the evening, happy and pooped.

Grievances

I have many triggers, probably more than most, they are things that I refuse to acknowledge until they start annoying me to no end and then I will make it a point to never forget again how much that upset me. I've been compiling this list for a few weeks. I have a crap memory so every time something has come up I've jotted it down.

• I hate being told what to do. Not at work, thats what happens at work, you get told what to do. But at home. I'm sure there is a proper way of telling me what to do without annoying me, I have yet to discover it. If you figure it out please let me know. I'm sure my future boyfriend would appreciate it.
• Being told by my family members that I am getting fat. No, as a matter of fact I am not. I've been the same weight for the last 6 years. I am no longer 120lbs but I am also 5ft 8 and change, have huge boobs and am Cuban. Its called natural curves people.
• People who talk badly about the less fortunate. I understand that you are blessed, but not everyone has been as lucky, so don't shit on them because they've been shit on enough. Thanks.
• Being criticized for spending money. I work my damn ass off for my money. Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't be spending it on. Unless its you, in which case you can tell me you would rather I didn't spend the money. If I chose to anyway its because I love you.
  
• Being blamed for something that isn't my fault. I will more than gladly take the fall if I did it, even if my staff did it. But under no circumstances pawn something off on me that I had nothing to do with.
• Being woken up rudely. Love me up, yes. Poke me or prod me until I get up, no. I am not a happy camper when I have been woken up morning, noon or night. It takes a special way to get me out of my funk.
  
• Tell me what to do with my dog. She's my dog. Yes she is a bit spoiled but she is also the love of my life. So don't criticize her or her behavior. I know she's not always good and I punish her as necessary. But thats not your place.
• I know I don't eat like a normal person, I am happy eating a can of green beans for dinner, plain freshly washed lettuce or a bowl of mashed potatoes or cheese and triscuits, but don't give me crap about it. Its going into my body not yours.

I swear I am a happy person. No where near as crabby as this list implies.

Lambic my secret lover

I am not much of a drinker...when I do drink I have my favorites. I used to be a vodka tonic with a twist girl. I've developed a taste for wine in the last year (if my ex-hubby knew that this had finally happened he'd murder me, it was the bane of his existence that I didn't drink wine while were married). My go to now is usually beer.

My friends and I have parties/get togethers often and for the most part we have turned into beer drinkers. Yes, I am a beer snob. I will not drink Bud, Michelob, Heineken, Presidente, Corona, I mean really this list could go on.

I have developed a taste for Tucher and other wheat beers. But my one true love is Lambic. Not just any lambic, Lindeman's Framboise Lambic. What is this randomness you may ask? Well, it is pure and utter raspberry deliciousness. In a beer.

They usually serve it in a girly glass too,
so be forewarned boys if you decide to try it out

It is a purple/pink color, kind of thick in texture and according to my friends tastes like jam. Lies! I hate jam, if this tasted like jam I wouldn't touch it. It is sweet, beery and oh so yummy. It is also not cheap but who effing cares when it tastes that good.

There is somewhere in this universe a picture of me drinking my lovely lambic out of the bottle, because I'm all class all the time. If I find it I will post it for you guys. But you can't judge me. If you knew how good it was, you'd be chugging it too.

So sometimes I exagerate

The day my sister and I moved into our apartment was super hectic. We had tons of people over helping, it was like a group effort to move us in. We spent the day shuttling between my old apartment and the new one bringing the last remnants of my stuff over while our friends and my godfather/uncle built our furniture.

My parents were the last to leave that night. We were pooped. But we were still doing laundry, and Vickie was blow drying her hair. I decided this would be the perfect time to shower, I was after all sweaty and gross and my bed was calling for me.

I get into the shower (our shower has a glass door a first for me) and its like pure pure bliss. I decided to wash my hair. I start lathering it all in, scrubbing my little life away and all of a sudden the world goes dark. The water continues to run but I can't see ANYTHING. I immediately reach out my hands and start groping for the shower door. A normal persons reaction would be "oh shit, the lights went out" mine was more along the lines of "OH EFF I AM BLIND!!!" and I yelled exactly that. I was panicking, I couldn't see anything and obviously it was because I had lost my vision for no apparent reason.

Vickie started laughing and told me to stop being a dumbass the lights had just gone out I hadn't gone blind. We had to call our dad to figure out what happened. It turned out we overloaded the circuit between the blow dryer, clothes dryer, washer, ac and hot water for my shower running at the same time.

Yes, that makes perfect sense. Overloaded circuit not momentary blindness.

Happy Birthday Viejo!

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday.  He will be 55.  I swear he gets better with age.  Probably because as I get older I understand him better.  

My dad always wants the same thing for his birthday...a day with his kids.  So today his two real kids, his two kids at heart and his grandog spent the day with him.  We ate dinner, watched Wanted, hung around, drank, basically did nothing.  Just like he wanted.

It was a good day.

Dad and Gabe taking a shot, he really is like the son he never had

Me reading in my spot in front of the tree

Teresa, Dad and Vickie (she was tickling him)

Baileyface

My mom being all coy

Dad telling us to stop singing Happy Birthday

the cake was his favorite: Strawberry Shortcake

Shameful...for real

I did nothing today.  Nothing.  Well no thats not true.  I did plenty of non-important things.

Like laid in bed. 

Made coffee.  VERY important 

Caught up on my reader.

Played a puzzle game on my computer for 2 hours while listening to music.

Ate some smelly squid out of a can (I love it, don't judge!) with triscuits with a glass of Sunny D

Watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2...and cried (because I am the biggest softy you will ever meet and a sympathetic crier at that, so please don't ever cry in front of me. Ever)

Took a shower, what! I'm clean.

Moved to the sofa where I watched How I Met Your Mother and The Office

Ate a super delish Kashi pizza and a bit of Mango sorbet.

Watched Daniel Radcliffe on Inside the Actors Studio

Please note the following: Basically I spent all day in pj's.  Woke up in a pair, showered and then I immediately put on another pair.  I think I can safely say the utter embarrassment of my ensemble today, or lack there of, has completely negated the adorableness that was yesterdays. Sad. 

I also ate the most random and slightly gross food.

I am a disgrace to humanity today.  Don't mind me.  I am going to go on my merry way being even more unproductive than I have been.

Work Appropriate vs. Style....style always wins

I've always struggled with dressing work appropriate. For me style has always been more important. I am not a suit wearing person. I've tried. The ex-hubby took me on a suit shopping spree when I first started working at the Foundation in hopes that I would fall in love with a few. I bought a couple wore them a handful of times and that was it.

To be fair, it wasn't just that I didn't like the suits but I grew out of them. (long story for another day) For the first few years that I worked here I was always getting criticized for the way I dressed. I would get so pissed off. For no reason really, I didn't dress work appropriate, especially on Friday's. We don't have casual Friday's at the office. I am never allowed to wear jeans. So I rebelled and wore other articles of clothing that were not allowed.

Marc, Marisol and I on the Bay for lunch 2 years ago...
obviously this was one of the not appropriate outfits

Once I took my new position I realized that as the head of a department I needed to dress different. I wasn't an assistant anymore. I had committee meetings, walk through, tastings etc. I had to represent the foundation. So instead of succumbing to boring business suits and clothing that would zap my willingness to live I invested in clothes that I actually liked. Vintage dresses, pencil skirts, cute tops and slacks, adorable accessories.

Now I love dressing for work. And I NEVER get criticized anymore, the opposite actually. A few months ago while meeting with the president of the foundation he told me that I always dressed well, even on days that I felt like shit, I made an effort and came to work looking good. YAY! Praise indeed.

Days like today I worry about my outfit choices. Its going to be cold tonight. I have an event that is outdoors. What did I want to wear...super warm and comfy clothing. I also have a board meeting in an hour. Professional, demure is the appropriate ensemble for that.

What did I wear? A red fitted dress with a low back, thick dominatrix style belt, black tights, huge black heels and a shawl. Demure, no. Professional, probably not. Adorable indeed.

And now for your viewing pleasure I found some pics of what I am wearing...sadly not of me in them but you'll get the idea (and because I love you I've also listed where they were purchased at). Hopefully I'll take a pic tonight so you guys can see my oh so not appropriate ensemble.

This is the closest earrings to mine that I could find, mine are prettier
Forever21

My ring is a bit bigger than this but just as cute
Forever21


I love this dress, even though I typically do not wear red.
www.Modcloth.com

Ribbed tights, for her pleasure ;-)
I couldn't't find a pic of my belt but it is also from
Target

These are the shoes...currently the loves of my life,
even though they make me ridiculously tall
www. Pinupgirlclothing.com

I kind of feel like a deserter

Warning: this is totally about the ex-bf and me playing World of Warcraft tonight so it may be hard to follow.

Eff! That is really the only word capable of describing the last hour.

I hadn't played since the Friday after Thanksgiving. Him and I hadn't been on at the same time in months. It was bound to happen. It did tonight. And boy was it ever fun (note the sarcasm). When I first logged on he wasn't playing, I went about my merry little way enjoying myself. Then about 15 minutes later he logged in. Is it childish that I immediately felt the urge to sign off. Probably, but I didn't. I kept playing. He said hello to everyone, I didn't respond. Because I'm 5, I know.

Then as luck would have it, I end up in the same town that his character is at. He whispers me.

Exbf: Hey

Me: Hey

Exbf: How are you?

Me: Fine, you?

Exbf: Good. How are your parents, Vickie (you), work? How are your events going? Bailey?

Me: Everyones good, the usual, Vickie's a pain in the ass, the usual, Work is stressful, drama filled, the usual. (was I being a bit of a bitch, yes probably) How is your family? C? (his nephew)

This kind of conversation went on for a bit. He told me about his family, work, his hobby, his dogs , etc. Very formal, polite (albeit a slight crabby on my side) then we stopped talking for a bit.

Two of his old friends (in real life) came by to talk to me and ask me to switch guilds again. I told them I hadn't decided. I was still thinking about it. I was leaning towards yes.

The ex-bf and I hadn't been on together in so long that I wasn't sure how playing was going to be. I figured if it could be normal, I didn't have to leave my guild. So far so good right? Wrong.

Me: Hey

Exbf: Hey, lol

Me: So I just wanted to let you know that I am considering leaving TCG, I think it would be better for both of us if things weren't awkward when we played and they kind of are.

Exbf: I'm sorry

Me: I just think its better this way, but I wanted you and M to know why I did it. I've been here for so long.

Exbf: I considered moving too but it would really upset M if I switched guilds, I figured if I did that I needed to change servers too.

Me: No need. You leaving would defeat the purpose of me leaving. I'm thinking about it but I am leaning towards yes.

Exbf: I figured if I didn't talk to you when I logged on it would be worse.

Me: I didn't expect you to talk to me, I know the rules

Exbf: I didn't realize there were rules.

Me: Well no communication, thats kind of a rule.

Exbf: I just figured I'd give you your space, you know when someone says "They regret ever meeting you" I figured space was the best thing. I don't know what else to say when someone says that.

Me: I'm not going there with you, I just wanted you to know why I left. This used to be home for me, now its just weird.

Exbf: I'm sorry I make this awkward for you too.

Me: Its not about you, we knew it would be weird there is too much shit between us for this to not be. Its not the same playing. We played together everyday for over a year, of course its weird. Its expected

Exbf: Yes it is

Me: I figured I owed you to tell you why I was leaving

Exbf: Jossie, you don't owe me anything, but thanks. If I don't see you again, Merry Christmas.

Me: You too, bye.

And that did it. I quit the effing guild and joined the other one. What was the reaction of my new guildies, happiness. Not awkwardness, I got woohoos! welcomes, finally's. It felt like what playing used to feel like. Family, friends, fun. Warm, welcoming. Not weird, shady.

As for my other guild, I'll miss the majority of them, but I'm sure I'll run into them. I feel bad for leaving but I don't want playing in the same guild with him ruin my love for the game.

Was I bitchy, yes. Was it deserved, maybe. That wasn't verbatim but it was close enough. He got a tad too defensive, a tad too sour. Not the guy I remembered, and definitely not the guy I want to remember. So much of the end of our relationship tainted the beginning for me and I hate that. I rather remember him as the sweet guy I first met, who it just didn't happen to work out with.

Superhero

Even though I am a huge clutz I have always been really good at picking up things that take a decent amount of balance. I was a natural roller blader and ice skater for instance. Just strapped on those puppies and took off. My first attempt into propelling myself forward by a random object on my feet was when I was 9 and took some work. My older cousin had given my sister and I an old pair of her roller skates for our childish enjoyment. They were teal and white and to my little 9 year old eyes perfect. My sister unlike me was never good at anything that required speed of any kind. So she easily gave the skates to me and entertained herself elsewhere.

My mother had told us that she had taught herself how to roller skate by wearing one skate at a time and learning to control her movements. I was determined that I too would teach myself how to skate. At the time my mother had a Dodge Caravan and my dad a Ford F150, they parked their cars side by side in our driveway which has a slight downward slope. Every afternoon I would go outside with my one skate on, position myself in between the cars for support and let go. Rolling on one skate til I ran out of car to hold onto. I would turn around walk on the grass to the top of the slope and away I went again. I can't even tell you how long this went on for. I am a chicken shit so probably a month or so.

Eventually, I felt ready to put on the second skate. I'm not going to lie I ate the hell out of that concrete a couple of times. Too much speed and tiny gravel do not make for a smooth stop. The day I finally mastered rollerskating I was so elated I could pee. I went into the house grabbed a magic marker and wrote my first and middle initial on the skates. JJ. What was the purpose of this. Well I fancied myself some kind of superhero. After all I had just taught myself how to rollerskate. Holy effing shit! I was talented.

I ran outside like a bat out of hell. My mother followed. She caught me, in between the two cars letting go at the top of the slope with my arms raised.

My battle cry was heard round the world "JJ Kapow!"

At 26 I decided to relive this experience and bought myself these beauties. I'm totally writing JJ Kapow on them and tearing through my neighborhood (with protective gear of course). You're never too old to be a superhero.

iHome and perfect moments

I had a really good night last night, not only did I got to sleep at a totally decent hour but I slept the whole night and it was peaceful delicious sleep. The kind of sleep that everyone wants to have but rarely gets because life is so crazy.

Before going to bed I was online with the crush D0-}- we chatted for a couple of hours. It was great. As I talked to him I was listening to my iHome on shuffle. Its amazing to me how the apple gods manage to pick the perfect song for the perfect moments. I can't really put into words how much I love talking to him (and no we still haven't had the phone call). We go through the formalities, how our days were but then the conversation just kind of evolves into something else. We get each other, he has a special way of expressing himself. It took me a bit to understand it. Now that I get it, I get it.

We sent each other Christmas cards, he got mine a few days ago, I got his yesterday. It made my night. Seeing his handwriting, was kind of surreal. First of all it is ridiculously nice. My chicken scratch pales in comparison. But more important than the scrawl was what he wrote. It was beautiful. Really. He has a way with words...which means what exactly? I become putty. Yes, putty.

Oh gosh, I'm in trouble.

My collage can kick your collages ass

I spent the majority of my high school years working on a collage on the back of my bedroom door. I placed photos of friends, family, boyfriends, mementos. It was great to work on at the time, but even better to look back on as I got older.

It is literally a history of those 4 years. It has every boyfriend I ever had in high school, my best friends, school functions. Like a year book, but focusing on my life only. There are people on there whose names I don't even remember anymore, but that doesn't matter. They were a part of my life at that point.

My mother, despite the fact that I moved out over 5 years ago, refuses to take it down. She says if they move, the door goes with them. Yesterday, Janet blogged about this awesome collage that she did for work. I jokingly commented that my collage could beat the crap out of her collage thats how good it is. Obviously, I'm a tad insane. All of a sudden I had an epiphany. I have a photo of Janet on my collage. Oh, its not just any photo. Its the photo to end all photos. Janet in her big, pink, frilly 15's dress. Oh yes!!

A lot of the pics on here, are kind of embarrassing, I think I've mentioned once or twice how much of a hot mess I was growing up...it is evident in this collage. Don't judge.


Seriously, make it a point to look for Janet...she looks like a pink creampuff!

Buttons how I loathe you

I have officially retired Gabriel as my nemesis...he has been too nice lately to continue to hold that honor. Instead I would like to elevate buttons from the rank of supremely annoying to that lauded title.

Buttons, how I hate you! You make it impossible for me to wear so many adorable pieces of clothing. Why do you refuse to remain closed over my boobs. I cannot help the fact that they are large, I didn't ask for this? (okay maybe I did, when I prayed as a child for breasts...but honestly I didn't realize that god had such an effing sense of humor!)

As I entered the business world, I thought, I can totally find button down shirts that will fit. Was I ever wrong. They all entail me wearing an undershirt and unbuttoning you down to the middle, thus defeating the purpose of wearing a shirt with buttons.

On those few and far between days that I decide, screw it, I am wearing a button down shirt, this is what I deal withDo you see that? Thats nothing, thats a good picture, if you were standing in front of me today, you could totally see my bra! EFFFFFF! I hate you buttons. I spend my day adjusting my shirt to no avail.

I will conquer you. And fill my closet with adorable button down shirts.

What !?!

I got the following text message from my friend Natalie this morning:

Tell Vickie we have to pee on Teresa

Really? What the hell? Why? No words people. No words.

O Christmas Tree!

Growing up in our house kind of felt like ( I would imagine) what it would be like to live in the North Pole with Santa. My mother is Christmas crazy. Always has been. For her the fun of decorating was transforming the house for us. She does it for every Holiday. Easter included. She makes great table scapes and pulls out all of the stops. My favorite has always been her Halloween table, complete with cauldron, worms and web covered candelabras. She gets giddy decorating for the holidays. Its really cute.

Our tradition was to decorate the weekend of my sister's birthday December 4th. December is a birthday heavy month for us, my sis on the 4th, my dad on the 15th and my grandmother on the 19th, so having the house all decked out for the celebrations is great. My mom would pull out box after box chock full of Christmas decor. It typically took us an entire day to decorate the house. Our Christmas tree is a hot mess of childhood ornaments. I love it. It has the ornaments purchased when Vickie and I were born, things we made in school, random gifts. Some of them are from my parents first Christmas together...they are falling apart. We refuse to retire them. Its tradition.

This is the tree on Christmas '06

In order to accommodate the monstrosity that is our Christmas tree my parents have always had to move the furniture around. My favorite, favorite, favorite spot is in front of the Christmas tree laying on the sofa. When at my parents house in December, you will always find me there, covered in a blanket reading a book. Its pure bliss. I love looking at Christmas trees, watching the lights flicker on and off. It brings back so many amazing childhood memories.

On Christmas Eve, or Noche Buena as us Latin's call it, we have a huge family get together. HUGE. We roast a pig in a caja china (it translates to a Chinese box but really its a roasting box made out of wood) eat flan, congri, yuca. In my house my mother also makes turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing. Its a night of feasting and drinking.

Yes its kind of sad...but thats being Cuban for you

Yumm, Flan...you know you totally wants some.

Around midnight we open a present. It is always pajamas. Why? well there is one year of Christmas morning video that I ran around opening presents in undies and a tank top, when I was like 9. My mom was not having it after that. PJ's every year. Since then our videos have been appropriately clothed.

On Christmas morning we wake up ridiculously early, as a child it was at 5, as an adult around 8 or 9. I find it hilarious that growing up we had to go wake our parents up, now they wait around until a decent hour to wake us up. Its cute really. We sit down and have coffee in the kitchen and put on a cd of holiday music. My dad always does this crazy little dance...he tends to do it every Christmas morning. I love it! We go to the tree sit around it and open up our stockings while we drink our coffee. I think every family should have the stocking tradition. Its one of my favorite parts of Christmas morning, because really its nonsense, but finding stuff to put in them takes thought.

Once we open presents we lounge around the house in pj's. Lunch is this delicious left over meal that my mom created when we were young. I like it better than the meal we eat on Noche Buena, seriously its delish. As kids we would make the rounds to our families houses to pass out presents with our parents and get our presents. As adults we do the same thing but with our friends and their kids.

I always loved our traditions but never really appreciated it until I started living with the ex-hubby. One of our first arguments was when to open Christmas presents. His family always did it at midnight, that to me was the WORST tradition ever. What do you have to look forward to? I pouted until I got my way. Actually I'm lying, I made a deal that it would be one Christmas my way, one his. It always ended up my way. We got married on December 17 (i think, eff!) and we honeymooned over Christmas and New Years.

I have never missed home or my Christmas traditions more than I did that year. I woke up on Christmas morning crying. Not only was I away from home, but my family and Bailey. It gave me a whole new appreciation for my family and what an amazing life I had. Since then I spend every Christmas with my parents. I know eventually when I meet someone new this will change and I am really okay with that. I am just going to treasure the few Christmases that I have left celebrating them as I did when I was a kid.

Unless the house is on fire, I'm not interested

Last night, or I should say this morning 5am to be exact, as I was dreaming happily in a land filled with gumdrops and bubbles, I received an extremely rude awakening.

The smoke alarm in my apartment, started blaring. Where is this smoke alarm you may ask? right in front of my bedroom door. I jumped out of bed, looking like every movie that you've seen where someone has a rude awakening, almost killing myself by tripping on Bailey. She was nervous,so of course, on my face!

I ran out into the living room thinking eff! we must have left something on. Vickie met me in the hallway looking about as excited with life as I was at that moment. The smoke alarm was in full glory, blaring its little heart away. I made a quick scan of the apartment, nothing was on fire, everything looked fine. I was pissed, NOTHING was wrong. NOTHING!!

After what felt like a lifetime (probably 10 minutes) it shut off. Just like that. No reason, no one touched it. It just stopped. Vickie thought that maybe just maybe, it could also be a carbon monoxide detector and felt we needed to take precautions before going back to sleep. By turning off the AC, just in case. I am not really sure how she came to this conclusion, but I was sleepy, cranky and not about to get into it with her about how I cannot sleep without the AC on.

I grudgingly walked back to bed, got in, threw off the covers and laid awake for an hour. I woke up at 8:30 this morning a little worse for wear and none to happy about the no AC situation...I was of course late and had to do my make up in the car. Somehow though, I managed to throw together an ADORABLE outfit. Yay me, no sleep and I can still coordinate.

The price we pay for a happy kid

I love buying presents...I buy most of my gifts online because I like the variety. When it comes to adults in my life I like to really think about them, their likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. I try to pick out the perfect gift.

When it comes to kids, its a bit different. I will typically ask the parent what to get their child, because kids usually have wish lists. If that fails and they ask for clothes I look for something stylish that I would totally put my child in (if I had one of course). If the first two are not options then I go to my foolproof kid present shopping technique...I buy them a toy that has a ridiculously happy child on the box.

I am not talking about a kid that is only slightly enjoying themselves but a child who is so happy that it looks like they may poo any second. Who did I steal this technique off of, the ex-hubby. Being a man and one that was especially detached he didn't put much thought into presents but he figured if the kid on the box loved it so would the one he was giving it to. Genius! And he bought for a lot of kids, our last Christmas together we just bought for kids...no adults. Between the two of us we filled 2 shopping carts to overflowing at Toys-r-us and bought presents for 24 kids. It was exhausting.

Now that we are no longer together I buy for 6 kids. Thats its. Simple. Most of them were easy. I struggled with one, my cousins son Jax. He will be 1 in February but he looks like he can try out for a professional football team on the o-line. He is one adorable little beast. So I went to my tried and true method and bought him this:

Okay please look at the excitement on that babies face!
Good choice? I think so

I ordered it online and it arrived at my office on Friday. I was excited because, shit, I totally wanted to ride this little lion and I'm and adult (well, you know, at times). As I was carrying it into my room, I slammed the box into the wall and walked into it. EFFFFF!!! Owww, seriously. No words. I was wearing pants, but I might has well of been naked for all the good the pants did me. I think the gifting gods were getting back at me for not slaving over this present choice as I did with all the others. Yes I am clutz, a huge one, I live my life covered in bruises. But damn this one was instant, and painful and swollen and over all not cute. And now I am totally going to show you a photo, so don't say I didn't warn you.

Owie! Its on my right outer leg above my knee and its a thousand times better than it was Friday but its still super tender, swollen and not cute!

P.S. I am totally wearing pants today, I am not flaunting my abomination, I just rolled up my pants to photograph my wound.

My favorite DC moments...even though I wasn't there. Bastards!

As I am sure everyone already knows because of my whine fest a few days ago this weekend was the trip to DC by my sis, my bff and her hubby. I was left behind, well, because they hate me.

My sister got back late last night and regaled me with stories of the trip. It can be summed up as follows:

• Museums
• Teresa messing up her back
• Drinking
• Teresa face planting into the snow while drunk
• Chili at 1 am
• Teresa falling asleep at the table while waiting for said chili
• Drinking
  
• Meeting a guy who was raised in Hialeah (our hood, yes I just went there)
• Being inappropriate at monuments
• Vickie getting the beginning of frostbite because she refused to take my advice on what she should wear
• Teresa almost killing herself while walking into a restaurant and being told by a homeless person in a wheelchair that she really needed to be more careful.
• Did I mention drinking

Here are my favorite picture moments from their trip

Tell me she doesn't look adorable!

I love her grimace! Cranky even in sleep.
I will totally be murdered for posting this pic by the way.

Our friend Aly getting the history of Ben's chili bowl...apparently its a DC institution

Stink eye

Awww, so sweet

I would have given any amount of money to get a photo of Teresa face planted in the snow...I am sure she looked like a pouty little girl.

Christmas shopping I have conquered you

Who made holiday shopping their bitch? I did. I am done and so giddy about this there are no words.

I just purchased the last present on my list. It was for Marisol's son Ayden. I try to give him presents that he will appreciate not just now but when he gets older. For his birthday this year I got him a super awesome Beatles t-shirt along with other stuff. It was perfect, style and culture all wrapped into one tight little package.

So for Christmas I was originally going to get him something off of his list to Santa and then I changed my mind. I bought him instead the Peanuts Holiday Collection. Because its totally the gift that keeps on giving. Marisol can totally enjoy it too and its not another loud toy that Ayden doesn't really need.
And really Charlie Brown and the whole Peanuts gang are classic...who can hate on a classic.

Shopping with Bean

I have this friend, Bean. His actual name is Marc, but whatever that is boring so I call him Bean. Why do I call him Bean, well he's a vegetarian, and he went through this phase where he ate veggie patties made from black beans and I used to tease him that whenever he warmed them up it left him smelling like beans. He was none too happy with the nickname at first, now he's embraced it.

Anyways, back to my story. Bean and I have been friends for almost 3 years. He started working at my office and I ignored him for 3 months, because I'm rude, I don't know why I did this but I did. The day I finally spoke to him was to see if he was interesting in ordering lunch with us. We were having Frita's. Frita's are this amazing bit of Cuban deliciousness, basically a hamburger made out of ground beef, sausage and some other nastiness that has been cooked and then fried or some nonsense on bread with onions and itty bitty potato chips. Basically a heart attack on bread.

So as I was saying, I walk up to Bean and start asking him if he would like to join us, he didn't know what it was so I start describing it to him in detail and raving about how awesomely delicious they are. I think I already mentioned that he was VEGETARIAN! He looked kind of grossed out but laughed it off and said no. We became friendly-ish after that day but it wasn't until our annual Golf Tournament that we bonded.

Thats everyone's favorite event because while the golfers are out playing their 18 holes we get to hang around the course get sun, relax, play on the shooting range. Well thats the day Bean and I became friends. We spent it talking to each other about everything. We have similar tastes in music, movies, etc. It was easy. That summer whenever my boss was on vacation a total of about 4 weeks, I would spend 90% of my day sitting in Beans office talking about nonsense (this was before my promotion to events director). We became really good friends. I was engaged at the time and Bean was subjected to wedding planning discussions, relationship drama, the whole to do.

At work, people wondered why Bean and I were such good friends, they started to whisper that something must be going on. Not a good thing especially since a) nothing was going on at all, its not like that with me and him b) I work with the ex-hubby's mom. But Bean and I laughed off everyone's nonsense and just trudged on being friends. He is very particular about mixing business and personal, so even though we were really good friends in the office we never ever hung out away from work. Throughout the years I have teased him about this non stop. Seriously, its been 3 years I have only seen him once outside of work and it was at a friends birthday party at a club in which about 6 other coworkers where there as well. But whatever he has his rules and he's sticking to them.

He's been telling me for years that he wants to go to London. He has family there and he has never been. I always joke with him because he is the worst at seeing something through. When the ex-bf and I broke up, he suggested that I take a trip to London with Bean so I'd have someone to hang out with. My response "oh please Marc is never going to go to London, he's too indecisive, I'll be waiting forever." And then 3 weeks ago I walk into his office and he tells me he's leaving for two weeks to London and Paris on December 12. What! I hate him!

Being that Bean is a)male b)straight c)single I offered to help him go shopping for his vacation wardrobe, knowing full well he'd say yeah but then never actually do it because of his crazy rules. Last week as we were discussing his trip yet again and he was asking my opinion on a winter coat he asked what I was doing this weekend. He needed help getting the rest of his stuff. He text messaged me this morning and said he'd be here to get me at 1. I was in shock. After 3 years I was actually going to hang out with Bean.

He picked me up, we went to the mall, I wanted to kill myself there were so many people there. We went to more stores than I would like to admit...I picked out some nice stuff for him amidst bitching and moaning because it was too colorful. At one point while in Banana Republic he called his mom for a second opinion on a red v-neck sweater I wanted him to get. What an ass! Of course she told him to get it, so I totally won but whatever. By the time we were finished I wanted to die. It was a good day, talking and joking with him outside of the office. He's always been one of my closest friends so it was nice to be able to see him away from work.

I got home, collapsed in bed and napped for 2 hours. Moral of the story: Shopping with an indecisive Bean is not only counterproductive but also exhausting.

And the spiritualist said what!

So I had made plans with two of my bears, Nick and Marisol, to go to a spiritualist today to get our cards read. It was for us, something to occupy the time and not something we were taking seriously at all. Marisol came and picked me up at noon and Nick showed up about 10 minutes later. The spiritualist, as they are called was an older Cuban lady who practiced in her house and who had been frequented by one of our mutual friends Angie. Ang swears by this lady...us not so much but it was something to experience.

We get there and it was at her house...she had us sit in her "florida" which is basically a sitting room while she finished up with someone else. They were in there for at least 30 minutes, no joke. Her house was a tad creepy with some dolls dressed up and some Santeria stuff scattered about. We knew getting into this that this would be what we were walking into.

Once she was done with her other client Marisol went in first. She was in there for an hour!! Nick and I sat in the florida and watched The Real Housewives of Atlanta to pass the time. I had never seen it before but Nick is apparently all about this show. Once she was finished Marisol came out, with tears in her eyes, this freaked me out a bit. What the hell did this lady tell her that made her cry?? Then it was my turn.

The three of us had been practicing our poker face for the last week. We knew with a card reader they take so much of what to say to you off of your body language that we had been perfecting how we would behave. For the record I suck at a poker face. I giggle like a school girl every time I try to pass off a poker face. So I walked into a creepy ass room filled with dolls dressed up, statues, a root vegetable sitting in a bowl of water, ala Pan's Labyrinth and she starts instantly telling me about myself. She asks for my birthday and smiles when she realizes that I am a Leo. Once she determined this she started telling me about my personality, before she had even shuffled the cards. I wish I could say that nothing she said was right but she basically read me like a book. She told me my exact personality without me even having to open my mouth.

Then she threw the cards and started telling me about my life. What she saw, what had happened, How I felt. It was in short very interesting. She wasn't right about everything. She told me stuff about my family, sister, best friend Angie, my relationship with Marisol and the importance for me to remain in her life and help her find her way, focused a huge part of the reading on my career.

The freakiest thing that occurred was about 10 minutes after I sat down she dropped this doozy on me..she said not in question form, but very matter of factly that I was afraid of the dark. She said that I know that it is silly to be afraid but I am despite my best efforts, I am always afraid of what I will see in the shadows. She was right. This is not something many people know about me, for obvious reasons, I'm 26 who the hell is still afraid of the dark at 26. Me! She then tells me that I have a spirit that follows me and protects me, a little dark boy. He is always with me and clears the path for me. I have had such a happy and blessed life because of him. He is my guardian. Ok, what! That scared the bejesus out of me. If there is something that I am more afraid of than the dark its creepy children. So basically at this point I was a bit disturbed.

She went on to tell me that she knew that I would leave the reading and choose to listen to what I felt was true, it was my personality. I was very strong willed and made my own luck and happiness. Guided by this creep ass spirit. She told me that she wanted me to pray to him and go to a botanica and buy a stick that I should carry with me at all times and it would help clear the way for me. Obviously not something I will be doing.

She went on to tell me about my exes, my friendships, she wouldn't discuss my love life. I didn't ask about it, but she said that everyone is interested to know what the cards have in store in that respect. But in my case the cards didn't matter. I made my own decisions. I was a free thinker, with a good head on my shoulders and that she couldn't tell me anything that I wouldn't already know about my past in that respect. As far as my future went, it was all up to me. I would chose my path because it was who I was. She finished off telling me that I had had a very blessed, and happy life. And it would continue to be so. I would be healthy, at some point I would have children. At the end of the reading she asked if I had any questions, I didn't. She smiled and said, "of course, you would never have questions. You can answer them all for yourself"

Marisol and Nick's reading was pretty dead set on their personalities too both of theirs took significantly longer than mine, she told them a lot about their past, their present and what lies ahead. We convened afterwards and discussed what she told us. It was interesting and quite the experience. Did she tell me anything I didn't already know, no. But I guess it was nice to hear a complete stranger tell me so many positives things about me. At first I thought maybe thats what she did, but it wasn't. Marisol got a very thorough reading, telling her things to look out for, Nick was given information on his love life. Both very different than my reading. Each of us had had a different experience.

It was interesting to say the least. Nick is determined to go back, Marisol was told she'd be back in a year. Me not so much. I don't really need to know anymore. After all she didn't really tell me much I didn't already know.

Afterwards we went to the beach had a great dinner on Lincoln Road a couple glasses of Prosecco and people watched. Over all an amazing day. Interesting, informative. Filled with dancing, laughing, random creepy nonsense and two seriously amazing friends. I can't complain.

Toe Santa

Yes, Toe Santa.

I was maybe 18 years old decorating the tree with my sister and parents.  We had a ton of stuffed animals that lived under the tree, one had a tiny Santa hat.  I realized it would fit perfectly on my toe.  Decided that I had to see what this looked like. Thus Toe Santa was born.  

Really and truly the most awesome part of my holiday season.

Letting it all go, finally

Last night before I had my delicious night of sleep I painted my nails. This may seem like no big deal to the majority of you and when I explain it I am sure you will think its silly but to me it was a huge deal.

The ex-bf was in love with my hands, my fingers and nails in particular. He was a hand guy. When he first saw a picture of my hands he just about died. In the entire time we were together, I think my nails were unpainted once, it was so significant that he commented on it and asked if I was okay, because that never happens. They are nothing spectacular really, totally normal fingers. But I always have my nails painted, always. I am not one of those girls who has chipped nail polish, if one nail even remotely chips it all comes off and I paint them again. I can't live with messed up nails. I am sure this has to do a lot with the fact that I bit my nails for a huge chunk of my life. Once I finally let them grow out, I became meticulous about maintaining them.

Ever since the weekend he left back in July, I haven't painted my nails. They looked fine, its not like I completely let myself go but the fact that I stopped painting them was significant. I was in mourning I guess, letting go of one of the things he loved so much about me. I know it seems silly, insignificant to someone whose reading this but its true. Over the last several months I kept looking at them wanting to paint them, wanting to be myself again and it just didn't happen I couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew once I did it, I would be over it.

Despite the fact that everyday I've gotten better, I wasn't back to normal. I know I dodged a bullet, know that I will be so much happier, but getting over your first love is killer, every time I would relapse I would cry and ask my sister why I couldn't just wash my hands of him like I had done every other time before. Walk away, never look back. It felt like I was struggling to stay afloat, to smile. I knew once I was able to bring myself to do this tiny insignificant thing, painting my nails, that I would be where I needed to be.

Last night was that night. Not only did I finally get to sleep but I finally closed that chapter. Closed it, locked it, threw away the key. And it felt amazing.

Sleep I have conquered you!

I totally slept the whole night. Did you get that? The WHOLE night!!!

I watched a movie last night and decided that instead of logging back on to the computer or picking up a book I was going to force myself to turn of the lights and go to sleep (not all the lights because my sister is out of town and I am the world biggest wuss so the hall light was on, I know I'm a loser, whatever). At 11:30 I rolled over covered my face in my blankets and knocked the eff out. Seriously. I imagine there must have been some snoring action, even though I am usually not a snorer, because I was so exhausted from battling to get to sleep the last week and a half. On average I've slept about 4 hours a night since last Friday. I was a hot mess.

This morning as per usual I snoozed the alarm for an hour (I'm not exaggerating) but when it was finally time for me to get up I did. Actually, I'm lying, I totally snuggled with the Snausage for like 5 minutes getting super delicious hugs and kisses from her and then I got up. I turned on my iHome and danced around the apartment while I got dressed. Thats how happy I was. Oh Sleep, how I've missed you!!! I may have danced a tad too much though because I was late and had to do my makeup in the car once Marisol came to pick me up.

To make a great morning even better, its Friday. Friday's I do love you!

The newscast that will live in infamy

Growing up my sister and I used to play together all the time. The benefits of having a sibling so close to your own age I guess. While we didn't actually share friends until after we both graduated we did play together. One lovely afternoon Vickie's then best friend Jamie was over at the house. I must have been maybe 10 at the time. We decided that we wanted to play with this old tape recorder we had...what better way than to come up with a fake newscast.

So W.J.J.V. News was created. We concocted some crazy story about aliens invading and used our Casio keyboard with built in sound effects to make it sound "authentic". Because obviously a 10 year old and 2, 12 year olds know exactly what an alien invasion should sound like. Anyhoo, I was the on site newscaster for the broadcast and as my sister threw the telecast over to me I said the seven words that would forever change my life "This is Tooth Scum Perez reporting live."

Okay, what the hell! Out of all the names I could come up with, thats what I went to. Very dignified. This name was instantly picked up by my family (thank god not in its full glory, but close enough). Hence my nickname Scummy was born. Over the years a whole persona has developed around it. I sign things to my family with a little scummy face. It has a face to go with it, a noise. All sorts of randomness. Outside of my parents and sister, only 3 friends have ever seen Scummy and one of my ex-boyfriends, my high school ex-bf. I taught him how to make the face and despite the fact that I look completely unattractive while doing it he loved me even more when I did. I never showed it to the ex-hubby or the ex-bf. They both knew about it, knew what it looked like in theory and had heard the story but I never shared it with them. Scummy is special.

And before you ask, no I won't post a picture of Scummy,
but here's what I sign things for my family with

They say its your birthday

Beeker,

I think back to the stories that mom has told us through out the years and I wonder how it is that you haven't murdered me in my sleep. After all, according to the archives she said I was yours the day she brought me home from the hospital. Your very own real life doll. Knowing how you are I am sure you took extra special care of me, making sure you were right next to mom holding the bottle as I was fed, changing my diapers, the whole deal. And how did I return the favor. By kicking your ass as soon as I was strong enough to hold up a doll. You are obviously the saintlier of the two. Allowing your almost 2 years younger sister to impale you repeatedly with a doll. It was so love at first sight because had it been reversed I think I would have hit back. Now 26 years later, we are living together again, still fighting like we are kids. I have what seems like never ending amazing moments with you, but I guess thats what having a sister is all about. A best friend thats always around. For the record my five words on you would be: spunky, gifted, vulnerable, unassuming, volatile.

Happy Birthday Beeker, I love you.

Chk-chk,
Scummy

Tales of a legless pirate

So I introduce you to a new person in my life, give no details, no background...how shameful of me. Its not that I don't want to share, I do, I'm pretty giddy at the moment in regards to D0-}- of course I want to tell you all about him. Hmmm, but how much should I tell. Where to start?

I'm debating what to say, I'm always painfully honest with you. Its how I roll ;-) But in this case its not just about me, its about someone else too. Someone who values their privacy but trusts me enough to post about them. So I'm figuring out where that line is. I know your curious and I totally suck for not just telling all, but crushes are special and this whole thing is fairly new so I'm treading lightly.

I'll tell you this D0-}- and I have never actually met. Oh the joys of the internet, who would have guessed that this would happen. He reads my blog...so technically this started out as a blog crush. I guess it kind of still is, except well, its not just limited to the blog world anymore. Isn't it strange how you can "meet" someone without ever seeing them in person. We chat daily, we've exchanged numbers...but haven't called each other yet. Its this tense waiting game. Whose going to call first? What will it be like to talk to each other?

Instead we chat online, for hours. Its amazing how you can have so much to say to someone you didn't even know 2 months ago. And we do have a lot to say, no awkward "silences", lulls in the conversations. They can be kind of random but did you really expect anything less from me. I'm pretty sure we'll meet at some point...but first things first we have to get over this hurdle. The phone call.

Passing the time on a roadtrip

I was thinking today after writing my last post that I am kind of strange. I have several weird habits, talents, sayings....basically nonsense that is so very me but that most of the world does not know about. So I decided to share. But not all at once. No, small doses is the key. Whenever I think of one I'll share. I won't give them a special introduction after this one, you'll just know what it is because it'll be weird. They come up often, because lets face it, as my sister said, I am kooky. I will start off with one of Vickie's favorite things that I do in homage to her 5 words list.

I like to interact with other drivers on road trips. Not like have a conversation, put up a sign. No. I like to creep them the hell out. How? Well I do a little dance. Not a normal car dance jamming to the music, oh no, its special. And strange. This has always sent my sister into waves and waves of uncontrollable laughter. Why, because I look like a moron. And I don't even care. The "dance" originated on a trip to Disney with my parents when I was about 12. Its lived on ever since. My parents think I'm an ass every time I do it, Vickie has tried to imitate it, it doesn't work. It is a tried and true Jossie original. Its got some shoulder movement, hands are involved and a very weird cheerleader beyond perky smile with my eyes open really wide. Very strange. I would suggest you make it a point to drive next to us on a road trip, you too can be creeped out.


P.S. I am totally blog happy today. Don't hate.

A sisters take on Jossie Posie

The lovely Angela posted a blog question yesterday: Which 5 words would your best friend use to describe you? My sister was in the room so I asked her, she is one of my best friends, so why not. She's my sister though, so she has 26 years of my shit to pull from...on second thought maybe not such a good idea.

First off it took her forever, and when I say forever, I mean For-ev-ver! (and seriously if you don't get that reference, just go, like right now, we just can't be friends...I'm only half kidding)After a lot of staring into space and randomly, heavy breathing she came up with the following:

stubborn, giving, shy, cozy, kooky

Seriously Vickie! Only one of those could be considered a positive word!

Stubborn: Yes, obviously. I'm very stubborn whatever. I'm also kind of used to getting my way, thats not a bad thing right?

Giving: Yes I spoil the poo out of my friends and family. Maybe this one isn't so positive after all :-(

Shy: I am, really really shy. Hard to believe. Watch me walk into a room where I don't know everyone. Its painful. Around friends its a different story. But I even cave when I have to ask a question to a stranger or call in an order for delivery.

Cozy : Okay, this makes me sound like a sweater. What the eff Vickie!

Kooky : Yes I burst out into random bouts of hysterical dancing, I make weird faces to passing cars, I have an alter-ego that only a few close friends/family members have been privileged (or unlucky enough, depending on where you stand) enough to witness, I have double jointed toes...but none of these were mentioned to me when she gave me her reasoning behind choosing that word. You know what she said? Well, you dress kind of kooky. SERIOUSLY!

No words, people, no words. I think I am going to have the other two bff's chime in here because well, this needs to be well rounded and I can't be that weird that the words used to describe me mean sweaterish and strange.

Sock Hunting

My dog has developed this strange fetish over the years, largely aided by my mother I would like to point out, in which she walks around the house and picks up as many socks as possible. While she is perfectly fine with clean socks her preference is dirty socks. Before you ask, its because she's gross.

I always see one or two socks lying around the apartment and have gotten used to it. After all she's done it since she was a puppy, no matter how many toys she has, she's all about the socks. My mother decided one lovely day that she was going to add to this already ridiculous fetish of hers by actually putting the clean socks on her hand (a la sock puppet) and wiggle it around, she dubbed this creation "Mr. Handy". Eventually she even went so far as to tie 12 socks together making a very strange octopus like Mr Handy for Bailey. This new spin on an old classic re-invigorated Bailey and her love of socks.

Last night, I was in and out of my closet (where my laundry basket resides) getting winter clothes for Teresa to try on for her trip to DC. Apparently, Bailey took this as an invitation to plan a raid. Later on as I was getting ready to crawl into bed and curl up with a book I moved the sheets aside and noticed 2 socks underneath my covers. Okay, 2 is normal. Then I walked to other side of my bed. HOLY HELL!

There were 10 effing socks! And not one of them was a pair, she's random like that. She likes to mix and match. To be quite honest, I don't match my socks, Ever. Yes I like to generally match my outfits but really don't see the point in matching socks so when I do wear them they are never a pair. She has apparently inherited this love for non matching socks from me.

Don't mind the unmade bed I was about to snuggle in :-)

What really gets me t-ed off is that this damn dog is never lacking in toys. She has her own toy chest for crying out loud, filled with toys! She has a smorgasbord of toys to choose from: A giant Peep which is bigger than she is, Tranny Cat, her smiling cheese sandwich, Bernard her plaid eagle. I mean really she has over 20 toys in that chest. Everything in that box is 1,000 times funner than a sock.

I'm tempted to scratch out the word good and write "effing horrible"

As if that wasn't enough toys, Christmas is coming. So what is under the tree...more toys for Bailey. Please take a gander at the stocking filled with new toys. As if she needs them, but I refuse to not get her a Christmas present. She will of course also be getting something from my parents and quite possibly my sister. So while I am literally drowning in a see of her toys she is conducting a full scale scavenger hunts for dirty socks!

Can we discuss the fat little penguin, hello, adorable!

You know what I realized last night, I'm an effing ass, what I should have done was saved the money and just given her the empty stocking, because thats all she's going to want to play with anyway. Seriously, she's lucky she that cute.

Scarf Time!!

I totally wore it tonight to dance around the apartment. Why?

A) Its cold

B) I'm Adorable

C) I needed an accessory to dance to Amy Grant's "Good For Me" with Gabriel.

I am wearing my pj's pants ridiculously high because Teresa tried to Pants me when she came in! So basically its for protection. Ignore it, I swear I wear them like a normal person.

His specialty is obviously the booty dance.

Damn my clothes!

You know what sucks...when your clothes have seen more of the world than you have! What the eff.

As you know I'm being abandoned this weekend for DC. And with my bff's go half of my winter wardrobe. Clothing that I have yet to wear and that will have seen more of the United States when everything is said and done than I have. I'm a little bitter. Can you tell? Even crappier is the fact that its cold here this week or coldish really and this morning when I went to get a sweater out of my closet where was it. Somewhere in Vickie's room because she's taking it on the trip.

Tonight Teresa descends on my poor unsuspecting closet to take some winter adorableness and my boots. :-( I will be without them for 4 days. Yes I have another 14 pairs, but thats not the point. I'm in a boot phase right now (well not this second, I am wearing heels at the moment). But you get my point its been a booty week and a half.

On the up side its totally cold! Scarf time!! If I actually get around to wearing the worlds most adorable scarf (not even remotely exaggerating) I will take a picture for you all. Its really a snow scarf but you know what, I don't care its been taunting me since last November in my closet and I haven't been able to wear it. Its happening this week. Mark my words. I'm coming to get you scarfy.

Any second I will lose it and cut them the poo off

Look at this !

Can you see anything? Lucky you, its because you don't have bangs in your face at all times! You can't even see my eyes in the photo. I feel like I am looking through a shield of hair at all times! The haircut may be cute but at a very high price. Partial blindness!

Yes, I am totally pouting. Because I am that distraught. (not really but a pout was called for)

So there's this boy

What can I say, I have a crush...kind of a big one. Its an impossible crush, he's smart, funny, really adorable, good looking, he makes me happy. Of course he lives in another state. Of course.

We'll call him, D0-}- yes he's an emote and he's wearing a super awesome pirate hat, why, because he's adorable (I couldn't put legs without the HTML freaking out, so just imagine they are there). He would rather I call him Javier Rodriguez y Rodriguez, but thats just too sexy of a name for a blog. It would burn the internet up with its hotness, so we'll stick to D0-}-

I haven't had a crush in so long, I've forgotten what its like. The butterflies, blushing at everything they say, wanting to know as much as you can about them. Gosh, I feel like I'm 12. We chat online for hours. Somehow we don't run out of things to say. And we aren't doing the generic what's your favorite movie/color/animal questions. We are having real conversations about anything and everything.

I'm not really sure what's going to happen, neither does he. Right now, I've been smiling non-stop for days, laughing a lot and thats good enough for me.

My very own cubby

Inspired by the lovely Bethis, and seeing as how I have no brain cells to speak of today, but felt like I needed to post something kind of interesting, I decided to introduce you to my oh so unprofessional office.

This is my computer, I love my wallpaper it is also the skin on my iPhone.
On top of my screen is my stuffed animal of TB (yes tuberculosis, its lime and that is my favorite color so whatever, don't judge) and even though he is hard to see Claude is also there along with his rubber band ball and paper airplane.

My seating board, it takes up an entire wall and is very boring, so Nick drew a Starfish on it (one of our events is the Starfish Dinner, its murder) once Obama won he appropriately changed it from the killer Starfish shown here to a super happy and chipper Obama Starfish.

My darling coworker and friend Marc aka Bean is a frustrated artist. His official gallery is my office. Claude is in fact one of his creations for me. Not the first piece he made for me, but definitely the best. Well that and the sad robot.

This is my favorite piece of art, I bought it off of deviantArt and I love her so much that aside from Marc's work hers is the only thing that hangs in my office and in the living room at home

More of Marc's art, its all really depressing actually, sad robots, lonely because they can't find love. But they are adorable.

More of Marc's work and my two elves Nikki and Marisol. This needs to be updated as Nikki is no longer in events and Nick and Isaiah are now with us.

I had an assistant last summer, Danny (Gabriel's little brother) he is an artist and a total slacker and drew this "clock" for me with the hands always pointing to 10am so he could never be late for work. The reflection shows the bajillion photos boxes featuring all our past events.

My desk in full glory, I have a photo mobile with all my lovey's on it, piles of crap because my assistant hates me! and tons and tons of nonsense. There are tiny toys that you can't see, why, cause I like to pretend that I work for a living. Notice the paper strategically placed to cover my monitor, the one on the left is my internet monitor (basically, you guys, open all day while i work) the one on my right is my working one.

Believe it or not my office is super neat right now. Normally it would be so filled with boxes you wouldn't be able to walk in. Give it a couple of weeks. We keep binders for every event, my Gala has 5 binders each year. Fun times!


My favorite thing in my office period. Super Bailey made by Marc. She is hidden though, and only makes an appearance for special people. I guess that makes you guys special.

Imsomnia strikes again

I keep starting a blog and then I kind of stare at the screen for a bit before closing out the window. Why? I am pooped. Like soooo dragging ass I have no words.

I stayed up until 4:30am last night. I couldn't sleep, again. But I kept busy :-) I'm just wishing that today was yesterday so I could still be in bed in my pj's instead of at work all dolled up in heels.

On a positive note I totally kicked NaBloPoMo's ass. Like seriously. I think I posted double what I needed to. It's a sickness I tell you.

Right now, I'm not glowing with the joy of having succeeded, I'm wishing I was snuggled up in bed sleeping my life a way all warm and cozy as the rain falls.

Thats all your getting for now, maybe I'll have more energy after lunch. Who am I kidding you know I'll post again in like 20 minutes.