On Life

Things have been out of whack for me over the last month or so...I haven't been feeling well and have been wanting to spend every moment that I am not working in bed. So thats what I've been doing for the most part. I know whats causing it and right now all I can do is indulge it. But because of it several things have suffered. Work, friends, life.

A few months ago I was so excited about my birthday party I couldn't contain myself now not so much. I'm sure when the night comes I'll have a really great time with all the people I love (minus my SLP) but right now I can't muster the energy to get excited. I haven't seen my friends in weeks. I haven't gone to any parties, nights to just hang out, drinking excursions...nothing. I haven't even been able to bring myself to go to the movies because its too tiring. I've been waiting for the new Harry Potter for ever and now that its almost here I'm just Meh about it.~ballisticpixels

I'm usually such a happy person, I am not easily bothered by things but things just haven't been great for me lately. I haven't even been blogging that much because lets be real, I have nothing to say. I know this things ebb and flow and it'll get better I just hope it happens soon.

I am in a funk. A funk thats lasted a really long time and I want to kick it already. I'm hoping that going on vacation and seeing SLP for a week will help. But even when it comes to that what I am looking forward to the most is laying in bed with him for hours and cuddling. Thats it. Thats what I want.

Can a girl get a break?

Miami was recently voted the sexiest city in the US. While most Miami natives would get super excited about this, it kind of just makes me sad for all the single ladies out there.

Its hard enough to live in Miami when you don't weigh 100lbs and have a DD bra cup and beyond flat abs but now I can only imagine that men from abroad (and that includes state lines) will come to town expecting even more from us local girls.

Lets be real, yes, there are some exceptional looking people trolling the beach, thats is why they are on the beach as naked as they can be without breaking any laws, because they know they look good. But overall the women in Miami are just regular girls, albeit a little curvier thanks to our Latin roots but all shapes and colors are represented here, not just playboy like models.

So boys, please cut us some slack and be realistic when stepping onto our sandy shores.

That concludes my rant. K, thanks.

On TV and my lack of life

I have been feeling a tad under the weather lately, so needless to say my social life has been in the fucking toilet. I get bitched at by my friends for being such a lame ass but you know what, shit happens.

SLP has been working hard for his money (shout out to Donna Summers) and thus I have had hours upon hours left to my own devices. What do I do to entertain myself? I used to consider myself a well rounded person. I had a plethora of super lame hobbies to entertain myself with:

• Playing World of Warcraft
• Embroidering
• Crocheting
• Knitting
• Photography
• Reading

I mean really, who needs that many hobbies. Apparently, not I. My time has been consumed by mindless tv. Oh how I wish I could tell you I've been watching super awesome mind blowing documentaries that will change my world. But no. I've been watching hour upon hour of:

• Veronica Mars
• Roswell
• Jonas (don't you even try to make fun of me for this)
• and the occasional BBC miniseries, I've got some culture thrown in there bitches.

My favorite of these is Roswell. Who fucking knew: Aliens + high school students + New Mexico= HOT FUCKING SHOW! My lovely best friend Teresa handed me Season 1 a few weeks ago telling me to watch it or she'd kill me and after several weeks of ignoring it I popped it in. And watched it all in 2 days. Off to season2. But wait, no one I knew had season 2, so now I suffer in silence as I patiently wait for Netflix to send me the next DVD so I can get my next hit.

What do I do in the meantime, you would think something productive. But alas that is not my M.O. as of late, instead I watch Veronica Mars on the wb.com and lick my Roswell sized wound.

Umm hello, Hottie Mc Hotterton's.

See, I told you my life was fucking boring right now.

My first love: A Tribute

My parents true blue music lovers brought us up listening to records that we used to jam out to in the living room. Our most frequently played album:

Michael Jackson, Off the Wall.

To say that I don't have a childhood memory that is infused with an MJ song is an understatement. My sister and I spent hours listening and dancing to his music in our living room, we had The Making of Thriller on VHS recorded by our parents and we would watch it almost daily. Eventually it became a special Halloween treat for us, every year we'd pop in the VHS and dance to the video in our undies. For every new video premiere we would gather around the sofa and watch it with our parents. I vividly remember the first time I saw Remember the Time and Black or White. Nothing makes me dance faster than Don't Stop Til You Get Enough or PYT. I've seen the extended version of Smooth Criminal so many times I've lost count. I spent years kissing a framed photo of Michael Jackson in a yellow vest before going to sleep at night. It was my ritual, after all he was my first love. My childish heart loved him as purely as any 6 year old could. I had his microphone and glove. I would serenade my parents and sister with Thriller, Billy Jean and Beat It secretly pretending I was singing to him.

I was sad when I heard the news but detached, you know, the way you are after hearing that someone you knew way back when died. Then my mom called to give me her condolences and I almost cried, in our brief conversation she reminded me of my childhood love for MJ and what he brought to my world. Despite what he became later on in his life I have always thought of him and will always think of him as the young, innocent, smiling young man that I first fell in love with.

In no specific order here are my favorite Michael Jackson songs

Black or White

The Way You Make Me Feel

PYT - Pretty Young Thing

Thriller

I Want You Back w/the Jackson 5

Smooth Criminal

Human Nature

Rock With You

Ease on Down the Road w/Diana Ross

Remember the Time

Torture w/The Jacksons

Blame it on the Boogie w/the Jackson 5

Dirty Diana

Say Say Say w/ Paul McCartney

Billie Jean

20sb - Looking Back

This post is a part of 20SB’s Looking Back Blog Carnival, and Ben & Jerry’s is awarding free ice cream to lucky bloggers and readers!

This wasn't the easiest post to find because the first two months of my blog was the hardcore getting over the ex-bf phase. It was after all the reason I started blogging. Since then so much has changed it was weird to read where I was then. I guess this blog is a testament to the fact that no matter how much you think you will never get over someone, you do. And better yet, you move on.

Friday, September 26, 2008

And So Guilt Makes His Exit

Posted by Jossie Posie at 11:38 AM

I have somehow always thought that if guilt was a sex it would be male. What does that tell you about me. Probably that I have had one too many horrible relationships that ended in betrayal. And sadly, you would be right.

I have found over the last several weeks of alone-time that I have finally realized what I want in a relationship and what the perfect man for me will be. Funnily enough, it is light years away from most of the men I have dated. I think its because I've realized that I have never been truly valued for me. Who I am. Not what I provide for them, or make them feel. But for who I AM. In all my glory, good or bad.

I don't want someone who is going to be happy for a short period of time and then start to realize that they aren't as happy with me as they could be with someone else. Who could potentially be driven to cheat, or stray in any way. I don't want to feel guilty for driving them to that or allow them to feel guilty for even thinking that.

I want someone who will love me first thing in the morning when my hair is a crazy frizzy mess and can actually look me in the eyes and tell me that I am beautiful. Someone who will love my dog and her crazy quirkiness, who doesn't mind sharing the bed and Saturday morning snuggles with my four legged child. Someone who thinks my absolute nerdiness is sexy, loves that I read to no end and act more like an old lady than a 26 year old. Someone who will spend a whole day with me snuggling on the sofa playing video games, watching movies and filling our stomach with nothing but complete and utter trash. Who will take care of me on days that I am paralyzed with a migraine and never say that I ruin everything because of it. Love my family and understand that we are a bit avant-garde but realize that it is exactly that, that shaped me into the person I am. Someone who wants to have children and raise them in a house filled with love, fun and tolerance. I want someone that I can be my silly self with, make faces, crack jokes, do my crazy dances, someone who won't roll their eyes but will instead get up and dance with me.

More than anything I want someone who will love me for me. Not expect me to change to become what they always wanted as I would never expect them to. Instead realize that I with all my quirks, nerdiness, shyness and fears was perfectly put together for them as they were for me.

I don't know if that perfect man will ever come into my life. But I sure hope so.

Weather: please relax

Yesterday was probably the hottest day I have ever experienced in Miami. The weather people said it felt something like 110 - 116 degrees here. Apparently this was a pretty serious deal as we haven't reached such high temperatures in over 30 years or some such nonsense.

You see, Florida being a peninsula and Miami being on the east side of it we tend to get this lovely little thing commonly referred to as Sea Breezes. Apparently, yesterday the sea breezes, long time friend to native Miamians, said "Fuck you, its hot, I'm taking the day off". So it was sweltering. No, wait that doesn't do it justice. It felt like the fires of hell were consuming us. You would think as the sun went down it would cool off. But friends, you would be wrong it was hot as balls until 8:30pm. And to top it all off the humidity was at like 85%. Heat + humidity = sweaty and stinky.

All I heard during the day was "Please God make it stop". Oh and he did. Because after all I like to think he has a sense of humor. So at 3:30 am I was woken up by a MASSIVE thunderstorm that hasn't stopped since. The sky looks like we are riding out a hurricane. Not only has the sky been peeing on us for hours but the rain is supposed to continue til the afternoon and then its supposed to get sweltering again.

The last time we had this much rain (two weeks ago to be exact) my apartment flooded as did the majority of Miami Beach. And not just a bit of flooding the water was waist high in some spots. I have a feeling this summer is going to be brutal.

Father's Day In Pictures

I spent Father's Day with my entire family in Boca Raton at my godfathers house. It was the first time in a long while that all the cousins were together. I have 5 uncles on my moms side and 18 first cousins, this is just the part of the family that lives in the US. Even though I didn't actually get in the pool I had a really great time photographing it from the sidelines...

Jax

Grandpa and grandson

Falula

He does a mean eyebrow lift

Daddy and son

All the daddies

Party in the pool

The ladies sitting it out

Jessie was having a bit of an issue here

My dad looks creepy in the background

My mom and dad sucking face in the pool

Mommy and Falula

The love, my uncle and his son

and...payback

my uncle and the rest of his kids

The fix is worse

I had my first physical therapy session yesterday afternoon. I think the people who chose this as a career are sadists. My therapist at first glance appears to be a super sweet, older lady. LIES! lies I tell you.

From the moment she gave me my first "task" I wanted to murder her.

Torturer - I am going to put you on the bike for 10 minutes, it will hurt but try to push through the pain.

Me - Umm okay.

(30 seconds later)

Me - My knee keeps popping and it hurts, a lot.

Torturer - Oh, well keep going even if it hurts a bit.

WTF!! Really lady. My kneecap was literally popping out and back into place repeatedly. I thought you were supposed to be fixing this little issue not making it worse. I understand that it will take work to fix my wonky knee but for the love of all that is holy can you please start me off on something a tad less painful! From there it only got worse. While giving me a massage she actually felt it pop repeatedly, so much that she actually made a face at me and said that that had to hurt. No, it feels great for it to just pop put of place ALL THE TIME.

My knee wasn't hurting that much when I got there. Part of what therapists do is they use this little number system that they seem to love oh so much.

Upon my arrival... Torturer - So what number is the pain today?

Me - Oh, well its about a 3 or 4 today. It hasn't been too bad lately.


At the end of our session... Torturer - So what number is the pain now?

Me - Yeah its a 7.
Torturer - Oh, wow, that bad huh.

Me - Yup. Thanks.

At the moment I am sitting at my desk and I can actually feel my knee throbbing. I have another session on Friday and two a week for the next 4 weeks after that. Can someone please just make my knee all better so I won't have to deal with this crap. Pretty please.